Balance: the v-square

To increase inner balance we are using a theoretical concept described by a german psychologist named Paul Helwig and expanded by F. Schulz von Thun. The concept is called „Wertequadrat“ which literally translates as „square of virtues“ which makes it a wrong translation (it has nothing to do with freemasons and we are aware that it might even trigger some) So we will call this theoretical concept the v-square.

The v-square is based on the aristotelian idea that no virtue can stand alone. They always need to be balanced by a counterpart.

If we fail to balance between those virtues they turn into an un-virtue. Helwig calles it the „devaluing exaggeration“

In our attempts to balance an un-virtue we might fall into the trap of over-compensation. And end up with the opposite un-virtue.

To grow and develop toward a healthier expression we need to look at the neglected virtue instead.

Investing in this will restore balance and help us to return to the virtue.

 

Let’s look at a few examples

 

 

Maybe you want to test your understanding of the v-square and try to make one yourself.

There is not one perfect solution and answers can differ and still be right.

What would your v-square look like for

courage vs. caution

Can you create a v-square for mistrust?

 

I hope that you are able to see how v-squares could help you understand what to invest in to counter some of the difficulties and imbalances that come with PTSD. They help to find learning goals.

 

 

If you have DID v-squares can help you with SystemWork..

Thinking within the theory:

the virtues inside of you might have been divided between different parts when you split. That means that while you are dissociated (=separated) you have little chance to balance them. Parts of you will end up in devaluing exaggeration.

Maybe your system is in a dynamic marked by accusation and blame. A virtue that is not familiar to us is easily judged. This is the typical path accusations would take.

 

You might even point out a real expression of un-virtue, but this is not getting you anywhere. It creates even greater separation, which means that it increases the imbalance, which just makes the un-virtue more extreme. Acceptance will get you to places judgment is not aware of.

It can help to see the extreme and often dysfunctional expressions of your parts as a virtue that lacks the balance. It defines a learning goal. It might even point out your teacher. And that is the part of you who is holding the opposite virtue. The tricky thing is that this part is probably showing an extreme expression on their side as well. You need to learn from each other without being scared of the overcompensation. Chances are that you are already switching between the un-virtues. It can only get better.

You depend on each other. When you negotiate, look for things you can learn from each other to create balance. There is often a clear line between Bigs and Littles/ controlling and emotional parts.

This is a v-square we are currently working on

Our Littles need to learn some self-control. It includes deferred gratification and not popping out in public because they saw a puppy. Our adults need to learn how to play and have fun. Accepting the Littles as teachers in the subject of playing is an important statement. (Don’t forget your teens! They are very important too) Sharing and learning from each other balances the system. It keeps us from falling into or maintaining un-virtues. It is hard work.

While you are still learning from each other you can already try to work together to balance the outside expression of the system. Parts holding opposing virtues can balance each other, like sitting on a see-saw. This will help you not to show the extremes in your outside behavior.

We are currently doing this in therapy. We have an agreement that one of us can trust the T while the other one is watching her every move with caution. It keeps each one of us from devaluing exaggeration. One parts trust is only made possible by another parts caution.

We need to embrace each other and the virtues we carry, even if they are still expressed in devaluing exaggeration. It is in the others where we find balance. It is part of our healing to connect and create a relational experience where we can share and learn from each other. This kind of exchange can grow true appreciation and love between our parts.

 

 

(As every theory or model, this one won’t explain everything or work all the time)

We took the v-square theory from a book called „miteinander reden 2“ By Friedemann Schulz von Thun. We could not find an english translation of his work, but saw spanish ones.

We believe his work on communication psychology to be very important and will share the basics with you soon(er or later).