A lot of SystemWork is about finding balance between extremes. Action/work and relaxation/fun is one of the important pairs of virtues (see v-square) that need to be balanced. Both are good and needed, but one without the other will harm us long-term.
More about negotiating relaxation
During the week our life is very structured and determined by (therapy) work, chores, duties and adulting. Which means that we need to balance things on weekends and invest in fun, creativity, pleasurable experiences and happy fellowship. We aim to create positive (relational) experiences to counter-balance not just the stress of the week, but also that of the past. This will also fill our Littles’ emotional treasure boxes.
Good things will not just happen to us if we are not intentional about them and plan them. Which means that we need a list that will help us to plan our weekends. Take some time and write down things that you would enjoy doing. If you have DID, ask everyone in the team about their wishes. Our activities center around the wishes of Littles. They teach us how to have fun.
Here is our list of things we consider fun weekend activities for balance:
Food-related things:
- Waffles Time, maybe with different flavors of waffles combined with fruit, cream, ice cream, caramel sauce or whatever we feel like
- international special lunches:
- indian
- mexican
- italian
- greek
- oriental
- american
- scandinavian
- (we are insecure about african. Leave us your favorite african recipe in the comments below!)
- hot-chocolate tasting (like dark, spiced, marshmallows, white, nutella) making small portions and sharing with friends (like wine tasting, just for kids)
- buy cupcakes (we keep this for special occasions, we live a small life)
- eating outside, for us that means the balcony
- have a tea ritual
- picnic in the park
- have a bbq with marshmallows (in case of emergency a candle is good for roasting marshmallows too)
- go out to eat (super special, we never do that)
- tea party: inviting friends for coffee and cake
- ….
- ….
Please feel free to add your own. Food-related things are nice because they taste good and we like to do fancy cooking and trying out new recipes. Maybe there is something else that combines your interests with an enjoyable experience.
Inside home activities
- masquerade
- face paint
- color hair (like making unicorn hair with chalks that wash out)
- movie afternoon (get popcorn from the movie center, they make the best)
- play island (we take the mattress out of the bed to the living room and then pretend it is an island we live on)
- cozy reading time
- princess beauty palace (with bubble bath and face mask and painting nails…)
- play our system board game
- painting or any kind of cool art we can come up with (we like to pin wallpaper to our wall to make a giant canvas to paint on, try using your hands, there is special window color too)
- building a blanket fort to live in
- make toys (using air drying clay or wood or paper)
- invite friends for games night
- make cards and maybe even write and send them
- camping in the living room (put up your tent, beware of bears!)
- crafting
- telling stories (and maybe paint them too)
- create a collective story, taking turns telling it within the system or with friends (can also be done using social media)
- watch a TV series all day long
- ….
- ….
We have once spent a day sitting in an airplane (or maybe it was a blanket we shaped like one) travelling the world, visiting different animals in all continents. Your own imagination is the limit to what is possible. Let your inner child help you with this. Be creative.
When we first started playing the adults were concerned and felt insecure. Our T told us that while we are at home we can act as crazy as we have to and that helped a lot. It is your home. Nobody can see you. It’s ok. You will be fine. Baby steps.
Outside home activities (try to be less weird for these while still having fun)
- go to the playground (there are adult playgrounds if you don’t want to compete with 6-year olds)
- go to the dog park (we can’t afford a dog but that doesn’t mean that we can’t make friends with other people’s dogs)
- travel to another city and see historic places/monuments etc
- walk in the forest, it is very therapeutical
- spend an afternoon in the library (that is where the magic lives)
- or go to a bookstore, they sometimes have comfy places to sit too
- bowling? Our teens like that a lot
- go visit someone, be curious about their home
- explore your city, walk, look around, take streets you have never taken before
- go to a place with water, the ocean if you can, but all kinds of water are great
- if you like swimming this might be your chance
- do outdoor sports (we suck at volleyball, a little less at beach volleyball, but using a beach ball is a game changer. Maybe you can find a beachball team?)
- zoo
- museum (some have interactive offers for kids. Don’t be shy. We have been to an exhibition about spies with seriously cool stuff, like an original enigma, where kids could solve their own mystery story by breaking codes etc.)
- cinema
- ….
- ….
What is available where you live? Do you have mountains for climbing or some famous place you have never been to? You are creating memories here. Do things that need a little courage (without risking too much). You will be proud of yourself. Be present in the moment. Turn off social media for a few hours. Let your inside kid show you what they see in the world around you. Find your sense of wonder again.
Theme days
For theme days we pick a topic and then try to arrange the whole day around this topic. Here is an example
We very recently had a „panda party“ day.
We tried to combine
- entertainment (watching kung fu panda)
- food (panda oatmeal, noodle soup with special ingredient, black/white cookie…)
- exercise (kung fu workout, well, more like kickboxing really, a Teen showing the Littes how it is done)
- relaxation (Qi Gong)
- art (panda pic and face paint)
- role-playing and
- learning (making a poster with panda info, did you know they are bears who went vegan?)
Maybe you can find additional categories that will be fun. Not every theme will include all these categories, but we can try.
Other theme days we are looking forward to
- trolls (including cupcakes and dance party)
- every kids movie/book we like
- fantasy creature time, like unicorns or dragons
- rainbow-color-day
- all the international options mentioned above (learn regional dances, art, music, history, dresses etc)
- different animal parties
- nature-day (includes learning about native plants and then go find them outside, collect leafs, make arts with them…)
- space day
- earth stuff like ocean, volcano, desert, jungle themes
- different decades/centuries
- ….
- ….
This also makes a good distraction in case you are facing an anniversary or holidays that cause distress. You can absolutely have a snowman festival in december.
Don’t decide what you want to do last minute. Sometimes activities need to be prepared or organized, special shopping needs to be done or you have to buy tickets or book something.
When we do a theme day, certainly not every week (!), we take saturday to prepare and then do it on sunday. It is also useful to do things one day, then talk about them the next. Kids need time to process.
We think it is important to make all of this a relational experience, interacting with each other and building trust and connection. You can also do this with your friends to strengthen your relationships.
Please be aware that we do not live in a blanket fort during the week and we don’t paint on our walls. It is all about balance. (Please read the v-square article for better understanding.) We are not encouraging anyone to get nuttier than a fruitcake. That would actually create stress. Littles need a safe frame and support with self-control in all of this.
I hope we didn’t scare you too much and you will find the courage to be intentional and create some unicorn moments for yourself/s.
Find out how we organize adulting to make sure that weekends are free of chores
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