The value of values

A concept we grew up with is the purpose train.

We often get caught up in strategies and tactics in our life, making goals, achieving things. Those work best when we actually have a vision to go before them. But it turns out that a “vision board” is not enough either. The energy that moves our train comes from our values. So before we get caught up in SMART goals, let’s take a look at the engine of the purpose train.

Values are characteristics, qualities or beliefs that are subjectively positive and desirable. They influence our way of thinking (mindset) which shows in our actions and character. We don’t just see our environment through the lens of our values, we also reproduce around us what we value within us.

Our values influence our

• thoughts
• feelings
• behavior
• motivation
• decisions
• priorities
• self-management
• …

and yet many people have never consciously thought about them.

 

There are different ways to explore what your personal values are.

One is to imagine your perfect weekday. Describe everything you would do on a perfect workday in your perfect life. Be honest about your own wishes and don’t just try to conform to a social norm (it is ok not to want to do yoga and drink smoothies at 5am!). Looking at the aspects of your perfect day might give you a better understanding of what is important to you.

Another way to approach this is to imagine your own funeral, after you have lived a life you are proud of. Maybe someone is giving a speech. What are they sharing about who you are and how you have lived?

A third way to find out more about your values could be to ask yourself what you get passionately angry about.

It takes time to reflect on this and to understand what is moving you.

 

Why would this be important?

Because if your life is not in line with your values you will be unhappy, if not depressed (the back of your train would move into a different direction than the front, tearing you apart)

Knowing your values is like having a compass. It shows you the main directions you want to take with your decisions. It helps you to recognize what is important and what is not, when to say yes and what to stay away from. It shows you where to invest your energy, time, money and attention.

It helps you to know why you are getting up every morning to do the things you do.

 

Take your time to make a list.

Don’t look for lists online, they often just distract from what is inside of you.

When you have a list it can be interesting to expand on

• the deeper meaning and related values. Sometimes it is possible to create a chain of values that can be summed up in one word (say you value “healthy relationships”, that could contain communication, intimacy, boundaries etc)
• where this value comes from. Is it something you were raised with? Was that a positive experience? Did you learn to value this during your life/ in which situation?
• what it looks like. If there is no expression of your value something is wrong. Visualizing what the whole concept looks like in action might give you new ideas how to express it.

 

We can have outside and inside conflicts with our values.

Outside conflicts mean that we find ourselves in situations that are in conflict with our values. These situations need to be solved long-term to avoid serious personal struggles/depression.

Inside conflicts mean that your own values are contradicting each other. This might result in a challenge to balance them.

Another way of dealing with an inner conflict would be to sort your values according to importance. If you are facing an inner conflict you can choose whatever ranks higher on your list. This can also help you when you are making a pro/contra list. Important values might add weight to certain arguments.

 

 

Our SystemWork heavily relies on values.

It leaves room for every part to share an individual interpretation (and therefore expression) of a value while making sure that we still move in the same direction together.

Our value system replaced the rule system. Rules automatically introduce the concept of punishment. We prefer to create a non-violent culture of honor, if not for each other, then at least for our common values.

We hold each other accountable based on values. A confrontation is never about “breaking a rule”, it is about making each other aware when our actions don’t align with our values.

E.g. self-harming behavior would be in conflict with our value of safety, inner connection, health etc. Confronting a conflict between behavior and value doesn’t attack us in our identity (“you are bad!”) or introduce attempts to control (“stop it or I will force you!”) and instead result in an internal motivation to change the behavior.

[Ts keep telling us that we have ridiculously high standards, but we are also making ridiculously fast progress and our SystemWork is very successful. We believe that it is the culture of shared values and confrontation based on values that makes it possible.]

If you have DID we would recommend talking about your values to see if you can find common ground. It is easier to agree on positive qualities than to agree on strategies for life. But strategy and tactics are a natural result of values. This makes every kind of team meeting a lot easier. Again, ranking your collective values can help you to make decisions together.

 

DID or not, we recommend the following creative activity that is based on your reflection on values.

 

Your personal (system) crest

Take a piece of paper and draw the shape of a shield.

What is your (system) motto that sums up your approach to life? Write it at the top of your crest.

What are the 4 (if you have to more) values that are most important to you? Can you find a symbol for them? (We chose connection, communication, cooperation/collaboration and creativity here).

Divide the shield into 4 (if you have to more) areas and draw your symbols.

If you have favorite colors (or your system has chosen some) you can paint the crest in these colors. Keep it where you can see it.