Going to the doctor is part of basic self-care. It can save your life. Regular medical check-ups help notice a problem before it gets so big, that it will be serious. It saves you money but also protects you from more intense procedures and possibly death.
For many trauma survivors doctors appointments are difficult and scary. I decided not to go into detail why. You are familiar with that. Just know that you are not alone and many others share the same fears.
For the sake of your own health you need to stand up and fight the avoidance. I will show you how to succeed.
Find a doctor you like
To go to a doctor (or dentist) you need to find one first. Ask yourself, if you would prefer a man or a woman. Make an appointment for a conversation, no examination, to get to know them. Share about your problems and fears. See if they are open to listen. If the doctor or their office bothers you, keep looking for someone else.
Ask friends or safe family members about their docs. Do this before you have an emergency. It’s always better to have the support of someone you already know.
Prepare for your appointment
It doesn’t help to avoid thinking about it until it starts. Preparation is key. That way you can feel safer and take care of your needs.
Identify current fears. What is scaring you? What do you expect to happen? What is the worst that could happen?
Get very grounded in the present and evaluate these fears and thoughts. Do you think that, rationally, it is safe?
If you identified certain things that remind you of a past, traumatic situation, you can play a game of „same but different“.
For that you write down all the similarities in the situation. Then make a list of all the differences. Then go back to the similarities and find differences in the details. Do this until you are sure that these are truly completely different situations.
Ask yourself, if it would be helpful to have someone accompany you to your appointment. Ask people in time, so they can schedule the appointment, too. Ask the doctor, if it is ok if you bring someone for support.
Clothes matter. Make sure that you dress in a way that gives you security. Some feel safer going to the dentist wearing thick pants. Some find great value in wearing a long skirt to see their female doctor. That way they can lift the skirt instead of having to undress completely. It is not a waste of time to consider your wardrobe for that day! Depending on the procedure you might even be able to cover parts of your body with a blanket.
Doctors prefer small changes that don’t keep them from doing their work over patients who enter crisis in their office!!
Review your skill kit
Go back to your Skills and your Skill Chains. See if you have everything you need. Is this a chain you can do at the docs office in case of emergency? Walk yourself through the steps one more time. Pack your Skill Kit so you can easily reach it.
If you do not know how to chain Skills look here How to work with Skill-Lists
Practice the safe place
Maybe you don’t use this very often. Then you need to practice it a few times to refresh the inner structure you built. It is never a waste of time to make sure that you know you can go there to calm yourself down.
How to build a safe place The Safe Place part 1 (guided imagery)
Look at all your resources. Is there anything else you could use? Sometimes it is possible to play some calming music. Do you remember how to breathe in case of panic? Would an essential oil help? What else do you have to calm yourself down and stay grounded in the present?
The actual appointment
Do not underestimate problems, that could arise in the waiting room.
Having to wait means plenty of time to imagine. Do not allow your imagination to go wild. Use mindfulness instead. Focus on all your senses. Look at things in the waiting room. Observe. Listen. Keep your eyes moving.
You can find good ways to keep your mind busy here Some Skills for Hyper/Hypoarousal (red/blue): the mind
There are other people in waiting rooms. There is always a potential of getting triggered. Don’t forget how to play „same but different“. This can be played with people and appearances, too.
You can always bring something to read, play on your phone or listen to music on headphones.
Before you start the examination/medical procedure
Talk to the doctor/dentist again. Tell them about
- special needs or wishes
- what to avoid
- a sign to make them stop/ take a break
- whether you want them to speak or not
Before you start, let them tell you step by step what they are going to do.That way you can follow the steps in your head and you can create an inner timeline. It helps you to know that this too shall end.
Some find great value in hearing the doctor’s voice (to remind them who that person is and to stay grounded) and have them explain what they are doing while they are doing it, so you can always feel in control. Some prefer things to be quiet so they can focus on their grounding techniques.
If you are scared of a certain tool or machine that will be used, ask to see and maybe even touch it, to make sure you know it is safe.
Make sure that at any given time you know that you have a choice. You can always change things for yourself. You can arrange for a slightly different position. You can ask questions. You can check for small changes that would improve your sense of safety. Our dentist put a TV on the ceiling and we can pick a program (Quiz-Shows are best!) You are not helpless. Even this situation is full of small choices. And therefore full of control for you.
If you have DID we would ask you to consider practicing an emergency drill with your system. Like the fire drill at school.
In case of an emergency it helps to have training on who is supposed to be where so that you don’t end up with a Little having to navigate a possibly painful situation.
Discuss and appoint someone who will front. Often that is not the main host but someone who is good at managing crisis situations. Just make sure it is an adult or the closest you get to an adult.
Let your Littles practice going to their safe places on demand. Make sure that they know that you are practicing for an emergency where it is vitally important for them to leave the scene quickly and reliably.
More The Safe Place part 2 (SystemWork)
Appoint a helper who will be with the kids to entertain and distract them so they won’t come out in the middle of something. If they are very curious about the medical procedure, let the helper explain it inside, but don’t let them watch.
Many waiting rooms now have a kids corner with toys. Avoid looking there or going close. Avoid everything that could trigger a Little’s attention and draw them out of a safe place.
If possible appoint someone who will advice the part who is fronting. It does help to have an inside coach. Support yourself as needed.
Practice going into position regularly. Just like the fire drill. Do it at random times when you feel safe. That way the Littles will be less scared when a real situation comes up.
This can be used for all kinds of emergencies, not just doctors appointments.
If a check-up still gets you out of your window of tolerance keep working on your grounding and calming skills before you try again. Because You can’t find Unicorns in Mordor
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