Living with PTSD (and especially dissociation up to DID) means living in a constant battle between the „here and now“ and the „then and there“.
Memories are stored differently and a trigger can make you re-experience the past like it is happening now. Add dissociation and parts of you stuck in trauma time and you end up with a lot of confusion.
We once got up in the morning, got ready for school and only when we arrived there we noticed that we have finished school 10 years ago. We didn’t notice when we got ready in a completely different home or took a completely different path to school.
I want you to know that things like that can happen. It feels scary to lose the connection to reality to that degree, but with high levels of dissociation this is „situation normal“.
And there are things you can do about it.
The goal is to be present in the here and now at all times.
We use anchors for that. Those are items that remind us of when and where we are. When we see, touch, smell, hear, taste them, we know.
How you can find anchors in your home
Take one room at a time. Look around, try to hear and smell, use all your senses, maybe even touch surfaces. Find 3 things that
- are now: things that you didn’t have when you were younger or during trauma time
- are here: things that belong to your present home that you didn’t have anywhere else, especially not your home during trauma time
- are you: things that remind you of your age and who you (including your system) are today
- communicate „safe“: ideally your anchors should ground you as well as calm you by confirming that you truly are safe now.
If you cannot find any items like that you might want to buy something you specifically choose as an anchor or make something yourself.
Make sure that it is something that parts of you who are confused and often fall back into trauma time will recognize and like. They need an anchor the most, so it should suit them.
We have a Little who is often confused about the when and where when she wakes up. So we placed a drawing on the wall, right where she can see it as soon as she wakes up. It shows one of our protectors doing marital arts (something we have started since we live in this place, not that long ago) and serves as a reminder that today we are protected. It stopped the confusion in the morning. No more trips to school.
While looking for anchors you might find things in your home that are firmly connected to trauma time. Maybe they even trigger memories and you have never been aware of them. If you can’t let them go, you might want to put them somewhere, where you can’t see them all the time.
If there is a room in your home that is more confusing or you know that you will be more stressed and dissociated there, make sure to find strong anchors to keep you in the present.
Bedroom
It is helpful to have at least one anchor around your bed. If you wake up from a nightmare it can help you get grounded in the here and now quickly.
Bathroom
For most survivors this is the most difficult place in their home. Make it a place full of anchors. Get creative. You can use stickers, colors, decoration, special designs… make this a place that is distinctly today. Get all senses involved. We have mixed unusual essential oils for a fragrance that is new and that we haven’t smelled anywhere else before. Consider doing something new to everything in your bathroom. You can’t have enough reminders there.
Portable anchors
Hopefully you do leave the house at least sometimes. But you don’t have to go without an anchor.
Find a small item you can carry with you. I have seen people using beautiful rocks for this, a nice bracelet, a small toy, you name it. Put it into your Skill Kit when you leave home. If you feel that you get fuzzy you can touch it to stay grounded. You can use taste (like mints), a certain perfume or smell, a melody on your cellphone or a certain surface you touch as well.
We put a brooch with a leather flower on the bag we always carry. We can look at it, touch it to feel the leather and pearls on it, smell it too if needed.
The more senses you can get involved the better your anchor will ground you in the present.
When you have found anchors it helps to practice with them. When you enter a room you can make it a habit to check for the anchors first and notice them with your full attention. It works best when this has become a habit so that every time you change a room here you are grounded again.
The more you live in the here and now, the happier you will be.
Thanks for pointing out that having anchors in private rooms such as the bedroom and the bathroom are quite useful for dealing with trauma. I’m planning to help my roommate find a trauma therapy expert soon because she has been having a lot of nightmares lately about something she though she had moved on from years ago. Perhaps getting a professional to look into it will help her understand what might have triggered her trauma to resurface.