If you are male-bodied this will not be of any use for you. Feel free to keep reading though, if you are interested in PTSD-related struggles with female menstruation.
If you have a female body and this is concerning you, please make sure that you are properly grounded before reading. This post contains mention of blood (duh!) and pain. Please use the intellectual part of the brain and turn off your imagination. Take breaks if you start to imagine things. Use How to STOPP flashbacks (5 steps) immediately when you realize that this is triggering memory.
Menstruation isn’t a topic people feel comfortable talking about, even those without trauma. The body is doing things that are out of your control and that can be scary, involve blood and cramps and having to deal with your female body parts.
But it is one of those things that gets really bad if you just avoid it. Menstruation accidents due to avoidance mean major clean-ups: more exposure than if you manage it well. Avoidance is not an option. So let’s see what we can do about it.
Find the right means
There are 3 main ways to manage menstruation. Pads, tampons and cups. You will have to figure out which one will be the best for your individual problems.
Pads
If you use pads you will always feel that they are there. Which can be a great reminder to change them if you tend to forget things.
You can also see when they need to be changed.
This goes into your underwear, not your vagina. You can avoid touching yourself there.
They are safer than tampons for overnight.
But they tend to move out of place when you move a lot.
They can be more visible. And there is no way not to attract attention when changing in a public bathroom. It’s a lot of wrapping…
You will be exposed to seeing blood. And they tend to develop a bad odor, especially when it is warm. If seeing or smelling blood freaks you out this might not be for you.
You will also be able to feel warm wetness and even blood flowing. This can be triggering.
Tampons
Easy to carry with you, they are very discreet in every way. Nobody will notice.
Properly applied you won’t feel them. Great chance to avoid thinking about all this.
Great chance to forget all about it and forget to change! If you have poor memory you might want to set an alarm.
They will not tell you when they need to be changed. 🙁
Tampons absorb the blood inside your body, so you won’t have any wet feelings in your panties.
They feel cleaner. There is very little contact with blood.
If you are stressed out about touching yourself you can use an applicator.
Tampons don’t just absorb blood, they absorb vaginal fluid too. That means that things can get dry inside and that can itch or feel very sensitive. Using the right size helps.
Cheap tampons sometimes lose fiber when being pulled out. That could cause infections.
There are more expensive ones that are covered in a special fabric that prevents that and makes removal easier. ( We are using o.b. ProComfort/Silk Touch and would never go back to something cheaper) (We don’t get money for saying that. It’s just a strong conviction.)
General advice: Never go cheap on any product for managing menstruation. This is part of hygiene, which is a main pillar of self-care. You never go cheap on self-care!
Cups
Those are silicon cups you insert into your vagina to collect the blood.
They don’t absorb, so you won’t struggle with dryness.
They are discreet like tampons and allow you to move freely.
They can stay in there for up to 12 hours. If your main focus is to deal with this less often, a cup is for you. You would have to think of it only twice a day. No changing in public bathrooms needed (and possible!).
Once bought you clean it and reuse it. It saves money and the environment on the long run.
The downside is that it is a bloody mess.
You have to pour out a small cup of blood at once. SRA history? Don’t. You will be confronted with a LOT of blood that will get on your hands before you have more routine.
You need to clean the cup before re-inserting it. It is a long time in the bathroom.
And you definitely have to touch yourself, and way more than with a tampon. You have to check the cup covers your cervix. That is how deep you have to go…
Identify your main struggle. Is it seeing blood? Feeling it? Touching yourself? Remembering to change? Choose a way that manages menstruation depending on your greatest struggle. It is ok to avoid triggers as much as you can. Just don’t avoid dealing with it.
If you have DID:
Appoint someone to deal with this.
Make sure as many of you as possible are educated about this and know how to manage a change.
Keep the Littles distracted somewhere else.
Male parts cannot ignore this. When they get over the fact that the body is female, male helpers can actually turn out to be the most gentle when dealing with this. Everyone has to take care of the body, if you identify with it or not.
Always stay grounded.
Menstruation isn’t just bleeding. It’s also pain.
Survivors of abuse often experience extreme cramps and pain. There is a chance that the cramps trigger sensory memory, body flashbacks, and you might feel the same physical sensations as during the abuse. No, you are not crazy, this happens to others as well.
Oftentimes the pain is a greater trigger than the blood. Which means that we need to deal with it.
Keep painkillers nearby. Put some into your Skill Kit that you always carry with you too.
Try not to overdose, but be generous. There is no reason why you would need to feel that pain.
Use them as early as you can, the moment you notice a pull in your lower body. Most need 20 minutes to operate!
Some people experience that painkillers don’t help after body flashbacks were triggered. So you need to be quick and not waste any time.
Ask your pharmacist. There are combined product that also help with diarrhea, if that is a problem too.
Contraceptive pills often reduce cramps. If you can remember taking one regularly, this is a good option.
Keep warm. A hot-water bottle helps. You can curl up in bed with one.
A little movement is helpful, Yoga or stretching. Don’t do HIIT or anything radical.
Breathe. Try to breathe into the pain.
Avoid caffeine. It increases cramps.
Eat healthy for a few days. Less sugar and salt are supposed to help, as well as more magnesium.
If you like essential oils you might want to use those. Lavender, marjoram, clary sage or jasmine could be options.
Be gentle on yourself.
Your body feels weaker than usual and you might not be as productive. It’s ok.
Don’t punish yourself for being female.
Don’t try to push yourself.
Deal with your anger.
Yes, this is scary and upsetting and you might feel like your body is your enemy. Then love your enemy.
You can turn this around and make it a time of special self-care and self-love.
I understand that sometimes that is still too big. If not with kindness, then treat yourself with professional efficiency while you take care of yourself. Stay grounded at all times.
I was never happier when menopause finally came. Menstrual time was difficult years. And no one to relate all the hard stuff about it then for me. So grateful you wrote this to help those experiencing it now.
Thanks for commenting!
Congrats to finishing this chapter well! I am sorry you didn’t have the support you needed.
I wasn’t sure if this topic would be helpful at all, I just knew that I had to fight through it alone, it wasn’t taught in my home, and the PTSD created so many struggles…
There is more than I could fit into a post. I was hoping that this would become an invitation to talk about the topic.
What are your best tipps to help?
We have recently started to use a mixture of essential oils, mainly clary sage and majoram, against cramps and it works just as well as pain killers. It just smells like we rolled thru the herb garden