You might have noticed, that there are certain times of the year that always cause you to struggle. For many survivors those are
- christian holidays
- birthdays
- pagan holidays
- anniversaries of trauma
- …
This is called “anniversary reaction“. PTSD symptoms usually spike during these times, flashbacks, body flashbacks, depression and anxiety are common.
The positive thing about anniversary reactions is that they are predictable and you can prepare for them in advance.
When we plan for difficult days we always take a sheet of paper and start with a basic structure for the day.
- when to get up
- meal times
- body hygiene
- when to go to bed
These are the absolute basics. If you manage nothing else, focus on these.
Make sure to meal prep or keep something in the freezer in case all you manage is microwave something.
Try to avoid restricted/binge eating/ purging, those just weaken your body and your mental stability. Write a meal plan and stick to it.
Do what is necessary to get sleep, take your meds, rest if sleep is impossible. Maybe do something to help your body relax like yoga/ stretching before you go to bed. A relaxed body helps to get a relaxed mind.
Next we add things that help against depression
- exercise
- sunlight (15 min)
- contact with people
If you are not into exercise do some unskilled dancing or any physical activity that will increase your heart rate for a while. The body needs to move to get rid of tension. If you stay in bed all day you will just add this tension to your struggle.
Sunlight effects your body chemistry in a positive way.
We always make sure to at least chat with someone on purpose, make a skype appointment or best, meet people in person. It will help kill time and there is the benefit of relational regulation and support.
When we got these planned, it is time to look for entertaining or distracting things we can do in between. This could be
- a movie
- a book
- an audio book
- special cooking
- baking
- painting
- music
- comedy
- computer games
- coffee break
- …
You can either write them into your plan or keep a separate list and decide spontaneously. Just make sure to write them down and choose one eventually. Don’t leave too much room for coincidences, those usually just mean “accidents“.
If you have DID, ask the others about their wishes for entertainment, negotiate and include as much as possible in your plan. Some Littles need special attention during difficult dates and you can support them by letting them choose something fun to do: offer them new, safe experiences in the present.
Go back to your completed plan and check if it feels right. It shouldn’t create stress and leave room for breaks and it should be filled with pleasant activities.
Make sure that you have everything you need to follow the plan. That includes doing grocery shopping in advance, maybe rent a movie or buy a book, depending on what you have planned.
Anniversary reactions often mean remembering traumatic events. Make sure to keep all your skills available and stay grounded in the present.
Make it your goal to create new, positive memories you can connect to this date. Plan something special. Invest in self-care. Get a gift for yourself. Make sure that next year you have something amazing to remember, too.
For some people the holidays and especially ritual dates are full of memories of certain actions and rituals either by family or abuser groups. Make it a point to create your own holiday rituals. Our family used to have specific food for holidays that never changed in over 20 years. We took the freedom to change that for us. Holidays now mean „tacos and action movie“ time.
Do not contact abusers during difficult days. I know that some parts were taught to do so, sometimes feelings of loneliness lead you to return to what is familiar, even when it’s not safe. Sometimes you feel obliged because its family and a „good kid“ would send a greeting. Don’t. You will just expose yourself to more abuse, confusion, pain and you will struggle more than you already do.
If you feel suicidal during hard days, please use your Safety Plan (suicidal), contact someone and get help.
Some clinics are willing to take in trauma patients for a few days to cover the worst of anniversary reactions. If you know you will need professional help, contact them several weeks in advance and ask for a bed. It is always easier when you had time to plan for going inpatient and their staff is informed.
Remember, this too shall pass. The worst is usually over after a few days.
Now, go ahead, claim back your life and your freedom to celebrate. And if you are not there yet, take good care of yourself and survive. Sometimes that is plenty, too.
Things you might want to brush up on
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