Everyone has attachment. It is how humans are built. Not everyone has secure attachment though. The 3 insecure attachment types are anxious/preoccupied, avoidant/dismissive and disorganized. The vast majority of people with DID have disorganized attachment when we look at the whole person. This presentation is based on some parts who are attachment seeking and anxious […]
communication & relationships
Creating our own hell: Reenactments
Although TraumaTime is long past, many survivors struggle to create a life that is safe, peaceful and meaningful. It is as if we are somehow jinxed. We start out with good intentions and end up with the opposite of what we wanted. Sometimes that’s because we don’t have the support or resources we need and […]
Overcoming patterns of appeasement and submission
We think of appeasement as a collection of social behaviors that aim to restore a safe relationship and maybe attachment with another person who is perceived as more powerful or threatening. If we gave them any cause to be angry with us, we need to fix it and make them calm down and like us […]
Group exercise for encouragement
This is a small but very powerful exercise you can do in a ‘group’ setting, like a self-help group and within a DID system. Start with one person or part and ask: What is something you really need to hear right now? It could be any kind of encouragement. Some need to hear […]
Hierarchies and Cooperation
Most people with DID experience some kind of hierarchy among the different parts. There are those who tell everyone what to do, call them controlling EPs, managers, gatekeepers, abuser-imitating parts, protectors or diplomatically, ‘advisors’. Their job is to keep everyone functioning and in line to avoid failure, punishment or pain. Then there are those […]
Review Of The Day (advanced DID SystemWork)
There is an exercise that helps us to find the small things we can change to improve our life for the whole system. It is inspired by an ancient meditation technique we learned long ago. You could call it a review of the day or an evening meditation. We sit down with those of the […]
Provocation: advanced negotiation skills
Deliberate provocation is a specific form of confrontation. It is one of our sharpest tools for negotiations. It can cut through the knot that keeps us stuck and open the path for breakthrough. It can also cut deeply and painfully when it is done wrong, creating shame and disconnection and despair. The effectiveness of […]
Growing love
We have looked into the characteristics of a powerful person as a key to healing from the effects of relational trauma and a victim mentality. Learning self-control by using our free choice, boundaries and assertiveness leads to healthy relationships. We are managing our own freedom while allowing others to be free as well. It creates […]
Boundaries within the dissociative System (DID)
DID doesn’t mean having several people stuck in one body. We are all parts of one person, yet we are different from each other. Without acknowledging that there is a difference, a separation, a split, we cannot heal. We need boundaries between parts to reach our goal of connection. Avoiding this reality by trying to […]
Classic boundary problems and how to solve them
The kind of parenting we experienced shapes our pattern of how we relate to other people. Trauma destroyed our sense of safety and introduced helplessness to our life. The way we set our boundaries today is often a result of these experiences. Healthy boundaries help us to keep the good things inside and the bad […]
Boundaries: Myths and Misconceptions
Growing up in an environment that didn’t support the development of healthy boundaries we learned all kinds of misleading things about their nature that keep us from setting proper boundaries. We have to dispel these myths that are holding us back. Setting boundaries is selfish Saying ‘no’ to someone is not depriving them of […]
Between You and Me – there is a boundary
Being raised in an abusive family shapes the way we see ourselves and how we connect to others. We consider the dynamics of our family of origin ‘normal’ because we never experienced anything else. But these relationships are often marked by a chronic lack of boundaries, control, co-dependency and enmeshment. A boundary draws a […]