Humans feel emotions for a reason and it is not to torment us. Our brain is created with different levels. Roughly speaking there is a part that we share with reptilians that holds reflexes and instincts, a part we share with mammals that is responsible for emotions and a part that is limited to humans […]
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The problem with emotional regulation
There are a couple of reasons why emotional regulation is so difficult for trauma survivors, especially those with developmental trauma and cPTSD. They are intertwined and sometimes create a fatal cycle of reinforcement. Parenting Some of our struggles are created by inadequate parenting. Children are supposed to learn emotional regulation from their parents and […]
The Rhythm of Regulation
My first encounter with the word resilience was not in psychology but in physics. In a psychological context the term is usually used to describe an inner strength that can prevail under a lot of pressure. So the goal of interventions is to make people more resistant to stress by adding positive resources. You can […]
Keep breathing
We have already looked at some basic breathing exercises. Now let’s take it a little further. “Cologne“ breathing (4711*) You might be heading into a difficult meeting or maybe there are only 2 minutes to relax. Breathe in counting to 4, then slowly breathe out counting to 7. Repeat 11 times. You should feel […]
Growing love
We have looked into the characteristics of a powerful person as a key to healing from the effects of relational trauma and a victim mentality. Learning self-control by using our free choice, boundaries and assertiveness leads to healthy relationships. We are managing our own freedom while allowing others to be free as well. It creates […]
Boundaries within the dissociative System (DID)
DID doesn’t mean having several people stuck in one body. We are all parts of one person, yet we are different from each other. Without acknowledging that there is a difference, a separation, a split, we cannot heal. We need boundaries between parts to reach our goal of connection. Avoiding this reality by trying to […]
Classic boundary problems and how to solve them
The kind of parenting we experienced shapes our pattern of how we relate to other people. Trauma destroyed our sense of safety and introduced helplessness to our life. The way we set our boundaries today is often a result of these experiences. Healthy boundaries help us to keep the good things inside and the bad […]
Boundaries: Myths and Misconceptions
Growing up in an environment that didn’t support the development of healthy boundaries we learned all kinds of misleading things about their nature that keep us from setting proper boundaries. We have to dispel these myths that are holding us back. Setting boundaries is selfish Saying ‘no’ to someone is not depriving them of […]
Between You and Me – there is a boundary
Being raised in an abusive family shapes the way we see ourselves and how we connect to others. We consider the dynamics of our family of origin ‘normal’ because we never experienced anything else. But these relationships are often marked by a chronic lack of boundaries, control, co-dependency and enmeshment. A boundary draws a […]
Boundaries
Boundaries are a key to healthy relationships. They keep us both separate from and connected to other people. Only a separation between two people makes it possible for them to relate to each other. They also express the limits of what we are willing to do or share, telling people how far this relationship will […]
Powerful people – powerful relationships
All people are powerful. But some don’t know it yet. Or they confuse being powerful with being controlling or intimidating. At the core of being a powerful person is self-control: the ability to make choices and follow through with them, to regulate our own emotions and needs and take responsibility for our own life. Self-control […]
Calming racing thoughts (mindful imagery)
Sometimes when we try to relax, our thoughts are all over the place, keeping us busy and tense and even creating negative feelings. We can use imagery and mindfulness to calm our mind and slow the racing thoughts. This combined exercise is specifically aimed to support relaxation before going to sleep. If you want to […]
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