Growing up in an environment that didn’t support the development of healthy boundaries we learned all kinds of misleading things about their nature that keep us from setting proper boundaries. We have to dispel these myths that are holding us back. Setting boundaries is selfish Saying ‘no’ to someone is not depriving them of […]
english
Between You and Me – there is a boundary
Being raised in an abusive family shapes the way we see ourselves and how we connect to others. We consider the dynamics of our family of origin ‘normal’ because we never experienced anything else. But these relationships are often marked by a chronic lack of boundaries, control, co-dependency and enmeshment. A boundary draws a […]
Boundaries
Boundaries are a key to healthy relationships. They keep us both separate from and connected to other people. Only a separation between two people makes it possible for them to relate to each other. They also express the limits of what we are willing to do or share, telling people how far this relationship will […]
Powerful people – powerful relationships
All people are powerful. But some don’t know it yet. Or they confuse being powerful with being controlling or intimidating. At the core of being a powerful person is self-control: the ability to make choices and follow through with them, to regulate our own emotions and needs and take responsibility for our own life. Self-control […]
Calming racing thoughts (mindful imagery)
Sometimes when we try to relax, our thoughts are all over the place, keeping us busy and tense and even creating negative feelings. We can use imagery and mindfulness to calm our mind and slow the racing thoughts. This combined exercise is specifically aimed to support relaxation before going to sleep. If you want to […]
The Circles of Relationships
All relationships are not the same. It is a myth that we could (or should!) treat people in our life equally and not everyone should have free access to us and our resources. We don’t have enough time, energy, attention, money etc to invest into every relationship in the same way. The circles of relationships […]
Cutting contact
Although cutting contact is a difficult decision, it is often vital for our own healing and growth. If a flower is not growing well, you change the environment. If we can’t flourish in our close relationships, we need to re-define them. “No contact“ is a new definition for a relationship, not the end of it. […]
Structured Journaling Exercises for Therapy
When people think of journaling they usually think of free writing, which is the most difficult way to work with a journal. Especially when struggling with grounding and self-regulation we need a more structured approach that offers safe boundaries and guidance. Journaling exercises are not typically taught in therapy, which is why I will share […]
The Journal in Trauma Therapy
Trauma therapists often recommend keeping a journal, especially when people struggle with dissociation or DID. But the great majority of patients experience difficult emotions, frustration or boredom when trying to write and quickly give up. The advice wasn’t bad. A journal can help with: grounding reflection system work emotional regulation memory work/ amnesia documentation of […]
Overcoming chronic shame
As long as I can remember I struggled with chronic shame. You can find psychological theories that might help in The Compass of Shame and Understanding Chronic Shame. Today I want to share my personal keys and understanding with you. This might not work for everyone, but it has been a revelation for me. […]
Epiphany #4: The Hive
“What is bad for the hive cannot be good for the bee” (Marcus Aurelius) It is an illusion that parts of a DID system can have their own life and not influence each other. We are not different people, we share the same brain, the same body, the same life. We deceive ourself, if we […]
The Leaves in the River (mindful imagery exercise)
The Leaves in the River is an ACT exercise that combines the concept of mindful observation with imagery work. The main idea is to learn to let go e.g of your thoughts. [ACT could be a valuable addition to your trauma therapy, especially if you struggle with chronic conditions as well. It’s probably not a […]
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