There are a lot of individual things that can go wrong in DID therapy. And there are also predictable patterns where a certain type of mistake will lead to a certain type of problem. Of course that won’t fit every system on the planet. But it fits often enough to be more than random. We […]
for helpers
Selective Functioning
We often think of functioning in a simplified way: either we function or we don’t. Reality is more complex than that. Different tasks need different kinds of energy. It means we can function in some areas while we don’t function in others. Hard physical labor is not the same as creative work, social interactions, spreadsheets, […]
Dissociation that looks like Psychosis
There is a phenomenon that can look like psychosis but it is dissociative in nature and treating it like psychosis won’t do us any good. When we take a close look we will see that it makes perfect sense and that we can solve it with simple SystemWork. It is possible for parts to […]
Cornerstones of the therapeutic relationship
Dr. Karen Treisman writes about the therapeutic relationship: The relationships are the glue and the magic that make the strategies meaningful, purposeful, and therapeutic. This is in line with the sayings ‘Relational trauma requires relational repair’ and ‘Relational repair requires safe hands, thinking minds, and regulated bodies’. Without the relationship to anchor to, the […]
Becoming a safe church
In my heart I wanted to write an article about the small things the church could improve to make it easier for people with cPTSD to be there and feel safe. Things like a careful use of the ‘laying on of hands’ so people won’t get touched without giving consent. Or maybe preachers using a […]
Being a safe person in a relationship (for helpers and friends)
(If you came here and you missed the first part about being a safe person for beginners, please follow the link and read that first. It is the foundation for everything we do in a deeper relationship as well.) When you are not just someone who sometimes gets in contact with traumatized people but […]
Creating safe situations (polyvagal concepts for helpers)
Friends and helpers often ask how to create a safe situation for the survivors they care about. I have already started to give answers on how to be a safe person. We will continue from here. Some of this is science-based, some is information collected from other survivors, some is my own experience. We describe […]
Being a safe person for beginners (polyvagal concepts for helpers)
Friends and helpers often wonder how they can be a safe person for the people they care about. As survivors we often feel overwhelmed when we get asked how to support us because it is too much to say and to keep in mind for a simple answer. I will at least start to give […]
Negotiating Emotion
It is normal for traumatized people to avoid the sensation of emotion. TraumaTime taught us that it is too much to handle. Since we are not living in TraumaTime anymore and emotion is a big part of feeling alive and happy, it is time to get in touch with our feelings again. The level of […]
Powerful people – powerful relationships
All people are powerful. But some don’t know it yet. Or they confuse being powerful with being controlling or intimidating. At the core of being a powerful person is self-control: the ability to make choices and follow through with them, to regulate our own emotions and needs and take responsibility for our own life. Self-control […]
The Circles of Relationships
All relationships are not the same. It is a myth that we could (or should!) treat people in our life equally and not everyone should have free access to us and our resources. We don’t have enough time, energy, attention, money etc to invest into every relationship in the same way. The circles of relationships […]
Transitional objects in trauma therapy
Sometimes Ts offer transitional objects to take home with you til your next appointment, especially when they plan to go on a vacation or when things are a little shaky. What is that all about? And how is it supposed to help? For many survivors their T and the Ts office are like a […]