When we are struggling, we try to cope. But there are healthy and there are toxic coping strategies. You will recognize toxic coping because it works short-term, but it has negative long-term effects. Things like alcohol, drugs, self-harm, binge/purge cycles, abuse of prescription medication, shopping binges, high-risk behavior, irresponsible sexual activity, dissociation acts of violence […]
Self-regulation
Using anger (advanced)
We like to compare anger to a bonfire. If it is burning too high and gets out of control it can be destructive. If we manage to kindle it properly we can have s’mores. Like fire anger is not inherently bad. It just holds a lot of energy. Many traumatized people are scared of the […]
Regulators
The three main concepts we need for self-regulation (as opposed to relational regulation) are gauges, regulators and containers. While imagery, breathing techniques, relaxation exercises, DBT Skills, mindfulness, distraction etc are all „regulators“, you can literally use a regulator to return to your window of tolerance. Before you start to create a regulator you might want […]
Dealing with anger (nonviolent communication)
We have decided not to use the tools of the abusers when talking to other people or within the system. It means that we do not use punishment as a tool in relationships. It also means that we try to communicate openly without manipulation or triangulation. These tools might have been helpful once, while stuck […]
Preparation for emotional regulation: hyperarousal
PTSD makes managing feelings extra hard. That is why we will look at ways to deal with different emotions. But before we start with these steps there is one thing we need to take care of: And that is hyperarousal (flight/fight response) Hyperarousal (fight) is not anger, but the impulse for action might be similar, […]
Identifying your feelings (emotional numbing)
Before we can look into ways to regulate difficult emotions, we need to know what it is we are trying to regulate. Numbing is a common way of coping for trauma patients. When I first entered the mental health system I was unable to sense my emotions. My face was a mask that never moved. […]
Breathe
Ancient philosophy formed our thinking about the triune nature of the human being, who is a spirit with a soul living in a body. We often talk about these things as if they were separate parts with defined boundaries between them. We know better today. Being physically sick will have an influence on emotional well-being. […]
Why DBT Skills don’t work
DBT is a decent therapy for borderline personality disorder and it can teach us a lot about regulation. It is also not meant to be used for trauma or dissociative disorders. That is why we will run into problems, when we try to use DBT skills here. The concept of dissociation in DBT is one […]
Good for nothing
„I am good for nothing“ Many trauma survivors experience this thought one way or another. In most cases this is a limiting belief. If you tried you could find proof that there is at least something you do that is ok. There is one situation when this is true. And that is when you are […]
Understanding chronic shame
Chronic shame seems to accompany trauma. It is even part of the criteria for cPTSD. We have not found a miracle solution since we last wrote about shame in the compass of shame. But maybe this will add more understanding. Shame is not a “bad” feeling. There is a healthy version of it that helps […]
Gauge your inner Life
The three main concepts we need for self-regulation are gauges, regulators and containers. As staying within the window of tolerance is one of our main goals (the other two are „being in the present“ and „being connected“) we need something that helps us to figure out where we are at. We need some kind of […]
SkillKit to go
We have talked about the window of tolerance, how you can use Skills to stop dissociation and self-harm using both body and mind, how to use Skills to stay within your window of tolerance through relational regulation, distraction, containment, imagery and mindfulness. We also explained how to chain Skills to make them the most effective. […]