Self-regulation

You can’t find Unicorns in Mordor

by Theresa on July 10, 2017 in basics, english, Self-regulation

I keep seeing this picture on social media. I guess it could be an inspiration for people to try new things? It looks good, right? Truth is, it is dangerous nonsense that can cause your symptoms to explode. If we tried to get it scientifically right the picture needs to look something like this. Magic […]

Compass of shame

by Theresa on June 19, 2017 in Emotions, english, Self-regulation, theory

Chronic shame accompanies trauma and (together with helplessness) it seems to be the most destructive feeling we experience. We don’t have 5 steps to end shame. We can just share bits and pieces of insight about this. It’s not going to be enough. We haven’t found a way out of shame yet. Some T’s believe […]

Dealing with Guilt

by Theresa on June 7, 2017 in Emotions, english, Self-regulation

For trauma patients it is normal to struggle with feelings of guilt . You are not alone with this. Let’s look at the difference between guilt and shame first. We like these short definitions: Guilt is thinking that you did something wrong. Shame is thinking that you as a person are “wrong”. Dealing with […]

How to work with Skill-Lists

by Theresa on June 1, 2017 in DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

Lists with Skills are awesome and inspiring. But you need to work with them to shape them into a tool you can use. This post will help you organize your Skills so that they are ready when you need them. When it comes to Skills I want to give you biblical advice: “Test them all; […]

Skills for Yellow area (6/7): Distraction

by Theresa on May 31, 2017 in basics, DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

This post is based on The window of tolerance Because our main goal is to stay within the window of tolerance, we need to learn how to regulate ourselves within the yellow area. We distinguish between self-regulation and relational regulation. Most people favor one or the other, but it is important to be able to use […]

The Path of Forgiveness

by Theresa on May 25, 2017 in Emotions, english, for helpers, mindset & thoughts, Self-regulation

As a christian I am concerned about the way some christians, but also some therapists, push trauma survivors to forgive. Yet I believe that forgiveness is important. While I believe that forgiveness is a choice, this is too simple . It is tempting just to speak the words and then keep avoiding the inner experience. […]

Skills for green area (prevention of dissociation)

by Theresa on May 19, 2017 in DBT Skills, english, self-care & life-skills, Self-regulation

This post is based on The one most important concept you NEED to know to stop dissociation: window of tolerance To avoid dissociation we are trying to regulate ourselves within the yellow and green area. Strictly speaking, skills for the green area are not “skills” as we know them. They qualify as “prevention” but I want […]

Negotiating relational regulation (SystemWork)

by Theresa on May 9, 2017 in communication & relationships, DID, english, Self-regulation

If you have DID and you read Skills for Yellow area (6/7): relational regulation it might have caused unrest inside. Most systems struggle balancing relational regulation. This is normal. Splits happened in situations with unsafe others and there was probably no helper around. It is normal for parts of the system to either crave this […]

Relational regulation

by Theresa on May 8, 2017 in communication & relationships, DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

This post is based on The one most important concept you NEED to know to stop dissociation: window of tolerance Because our main goal is to stay within the window of tolerance, skills for the red/blue area should become rare interventions, while we learn how to regulate ourselves within the yellow area (dotted line) before […]

Mourning Loss (SystemWork)

by Theresa on May 4, 2017 in communication & relationships, Emotions, english, Self-regulation

Recently we had to say goodbye to a T. Someone we trusted enough to speak freely. Someone we allowed to see the things going on in the system. Someone in whose company we didn’t feel ashamed. There is no way to describe the extend of a loss like this. The whole system suffers. Some feel […]

Overcoming helplessness: exercise your free will

by Theresa on April 27, 2017 in Emotions, english, Self-regulation

The biblical word “repent” actually doesn’t mean to say you are sorry. It literally means “change the way you think”. It’s a transformation that goes deeper than mere words. Traumatized people often learned that they don’t have a choice. They felt helpless and they continue to feel helpless. But today offers choices. You are […]

Some Skills for Hyper/Hypoarousal: the mind

by Theresa on April 25, 2017 in DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

When we are feeling “too much” (red/ 10-8 / hyperarousal) or “not enough” (blue/ 3-1/ hypoarousal) we need to get “out” of the feeling and either into the body or into the mind. To get “into the mind” we use either mindfulness or what I’m going to call “mental gymnastics”. Some people prefer using “body”-skills because […]