DID Systems often have good intuition about who can help them. We are open to share with therapists who show certain characteristics, even if they are not specialists yet. We looked at the last 10 therapists we worked with and compared them. Here is what we found (in no particular order, not claiming that it is exhaustive)
Mild curiosity:
a fearless and open interest in your system can be a catalyst for your therapy and help you to overcome the phobia of the inner experience. Therapists who avoid talk about parts prevent progress. Therapists who show a deep fascination for DID and switches will subconsciously support dissociation to satisfy their fascination. That’s abusive.
Empathy:
empathy can help you to feel more connected, and connection is countering dissociation. A good DID-Therapist can feel empathy for all of your parts, even the ones who are acting destructively. They can teach your system to have empathy for each other.
Flexibility:
a DID Therapist needs to be able to adapt to switches within moments. They need to be able to take different perspectives, without picking sides. A Therapist who can sweet-talk an abuser-imitating part of you to gain their trust is priceless. It is also a scary thing to witness. Sometimes the level of flexibility an experienced DID Therapist shows can look a little… crazy.
Good memory:
working with a system is similar to playing chess in your head. It helps if a Therapist can remember who is who and what everyone is struggling with and how everyone is related etc. It is a lot. You cannot expect any Therapist to remember it all. But good memory surely helps.
Creativity:
finding ways to cope with situations or inventing compromises for the system needs creativity. We have a secret love for brainstorming with therapists. Their creativity is often based on better information than what we have and inspires us. We have noticed that a significant number of good therapists engage in creative activities in their free time: art, music, writing etc.
Self-regulation skills:
the therapist needs to be grounded and not easily shaken. And when they are (not if, DID will shake them) they take their time to regulate themselves before continuing/reacting. Being with someone with a regulated body will help prevent dissociation. It communicates safety and stability and your body will react, staying calm and grounded.You don’t want a therapist who dissociates easily. Sometimes there is a dissociative „energy“ in the air and we had therapists dissociate during session. If a therapist lacks self-regulation skills, their work will harm them long-term. They might start showing signs of PTSD.
In touch with their young side:
your therapist doesn’t need to have Littles themself to have an „inner child“, a playful side, innocent curiosity and the ability to engage in fantasies. Healthy people don’t suppress that. DID-Therapists can find precious ways of relating to their patients, if they can tap into this aspect of their being. We have never met a therapist who was all serious adult, logic and analysis, who ever helped us with our SystemWork.
Humor:
dissociation comes with all kinds of weird stuff. It helps to have a therapist who is able to be relaxed about it and respond with humor where it is adequate. Confrontations that are mixed with humor are often easier to accept. This needs to be based on respect at all times and be shared with the patient. Humor prevents bitterness.
Boundaries:
a DID therapist needs to knows their boundaries well, communicate them in a welcoming way, enforce them in clarity and patience and without anger and recognize the rare occasions, when they need to make an exception to their rule.
Courage:
Taking on the challenge of DID needs courage. Looking at the kind of trauma that causes DID needs courage. Dealing with some parts needs courage. And some therapists find themselves facing organized crime and death threats. They better have courage. Courage is different from being fearless. You can’t expect them to never be afraid, that would be unnatural. But fear cannot be what moves them.
Intelligence:
it helps if a therapist can keep up with complex situations, think fast, find connections or conflicting ideas etc. they always have to be able to distinguish between inner reality, which is often based on trance logic, and outside reality. Sometimes a therapist has to refuse to understand things to help the patient out of unhelpful thinking/dissociation. It needs a quick mind to respond well.
Relational repair:
mistakes will happen, trust will be broken. If the therapist is quick to admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness it is a good sign. We have seen Therapists apologize for things that probably weren’t their fault at all, but it was needed in that situation to protect the relationship. A therapist who is more concerned about right&wrong than about the quality of your connection will cause harm.
Openness:
the therapist will see and hear things that will challenge them. Some will be in conflict with science. A therapist needs to be open for that. And they need to be open to learn. The best DID therapists learn from their patients all the time. They know that DID doesn’t fit into their box of theories. Especially with therapists who are new to this the willingness to learn is a key characteristic for success.
Authenticity:
While this is true for every therapist, it is even more important for those treating DID. We as patients test our therapist relentlessly. We expect them to show their “real” face any moment. There is no better way to win the little trust we have to offer, than fully being themselves.
Tolerance for helplessness:
If the therapist cannot tolerate feeling helpless, they will either try to talk you out of your problem, denying its severity or impact, or they will blindly try to use the tools they have, if they fit the problem or not. It will be harmful, maybe even abusive. A therapist who is able to stay with you, sharing the helplessness without having to remove it, can turn out to be a real support.
This is based on our collected experience. We hope that it will help you, if you are currently searching for a therapist.
Read more in the Initial interview (DID)
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