Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that suddenly appear in our head and that we perceive as stressful and beyond our control. The content is often shameful or mean and there is a certain tone to them. Such thoughts can be very distressing, especially if they are never actually quiet. And thoughts are not as easy to control as impulses or to push away as feelings. We need other ways to deal with them.
Thought stop technique?
There is an approach in psychotherapy where you simply say stop to such a thought out loud and then do something with your body that creates a counter-impulse that you concentrate on instead, e.g. tensing your muscles. Sometimes I actually have success by simply saying ‘leave me alone’. This doesn’t work very well with complex trauma, but you can try it.
Agreement
Creating a bit of confusion can bring peace in the short term. If I hear voices tormenting me inside, I just say ‘Yes, I know’ and pretend I’m on their side and see it their way. Suddenly I’m no longer the opponent they have to fight so viciously. And there is no reason to keep repeating it either, after all I’ve confirmed that I’ve heard it and agree. If these are mean things about me, of course I don’t really believe them. But I don’t offer anything to argue about anymore and then the argument is quickly over. You have to be a bit careful when a ‘solution’ to the problem (yourself) is suggested as a result. I never agree to calls for suicide.
Fragments
Another approach would be to treat these inner thoughts or voices as fragments. Even in complex trauma without distinct dissociative parts, there are fragments from the past that got stuck, similar to flashback states. And it is not uncommon for them to repeat messages from the past. Perhaps it was said in exactly the same way or we are sure that it was meant that way, even if the behavior was different. Such fragments hold the memory of such meanness or cruelty for us, without always having an awareness that this is happening. I believe that we can resolve this if we take a closer look at what lies behind the statements. We then ask ourselves where this sounds familiar to us, where we have heard this before or felt this way. A message that can be assigned to a situation in the past is also easier to place in the past and to be left there. Sometimes these thoughts then disappear completely because they have been integrated.
Parts
With more structural dissociation, distressing messages can also come from somewhat more distinct parts. In this case, it would be wise to establish contact and offer to talk to them about everything. They are welcome to tell us what they think of us and why. Then, over time, we will also learn what kind of inner reality they live in that makes such means seem necessary and find out what they want to achieve. The goal of their intrusions is quite important because it allows us to find out what we can do to meet their needs. Often these are basic things like safety and in their reality we do things that don’t feel safe and for which they expect punishment. Again, we can go back in time and find out when this was actually our reality and where they learned this. Perhaps at some point in the process it will also become clear what exactly activates or triggers the inner voices so that they start to harass us. Triggers can either be avoided or discriminated by figuring out together what the differences are between the past and the present. It may well turn out that the nasty and humiliating statements come from parts that are still very young. They imitate things they have experienced because this gives them a feeling of control and power and this in turn helps them to feel more secure. A lot of what’s going on inside has actually mainly to do with their need for safety and nothing to do with them actually being bad and mean. It’s a type of coping behavior and is triggered by someone feeling scared or suddenly unsafe. By taking care of these parts, like frightened children, we can calm them down.
Breaking down the situation
Intrusive thoughts do not happen in a vacuum. There is a situation in the outside world and intrusions are often a reaction to that situation. We become incapacitated by the persistent verbal abuse and humiliation and can no longer focus on resolving the situation. Instead, we collapse into ourselves and only wrestle with our inner experience.
If we take a closer look at what is triggering the situation, we can elicit from the aggressive or humiliating part what is important to them and promise them that we will take care of it if they give us a little time and space to do so. We can fix it a lot faster without constant harassment. They can step out of the way and let us prove to them that we can do it after all. Perhaps we provide them with an inner helper to reduce their stress.
Just standing in the way and being loud is unacceptable. By resolving the situation in a satisfying way and removing the source of the fear or threat, we show the part that we are really grown up now and can manage it and that there is no reason to get so upset in the future. In this intervention, we take our attention away from the part and focus it on the task in front of us. This gives us something we can actively do to improve our situation.
Sometimes a short exercise is enough and sometimes you have to invest more time. Unfortunately, there is no exercise that is always guaranteed to work. For some people, antipsychotics help as emergency medication to slow down thoughts and interrupt particularly severe intrusions for a while.