Trauma changes the brain. It gets wired to pay greater attention to danger, pain and possible threats. You could say that our brain is constantly watching out for Nazgul.
No wonder we are often absorbed in our pain and despair!
The time of the Nazgul is over, but we need to teach our brain to watch out for better things now. We can learn to focus our attention on the good things, but our brain needs our help.
Have you heard of Martin Seligman? He got famous for his studies on learned helplessness. But that is just his early work. Later in life he focussed on „learned happiness“ (so much less depressing!)
Those studies showed that when people journal the small moments of joy in their life (nothing big, things like the sun coming out or seeing a beautiful flower or the first sip of coffee in the morning) it doesn’t take long before their overall mood changes for the better.
A long time ago we started a „Journal of Happiness and Gratefulness“.
This is what our new one looks like.
cause unicorns love pink
We are using a calendar. It is allowed to look happy and inviting. We keep it at a place where we can see it often and remember to write in it. Doing it at a certain time of day also helps.
If you want to start a journal of happiness and gratefulness, use a separate book for it and don’t keep it in your general journal. You might want to re-read about your happy moments and not be reminded of your darker thoughts at the same time.
Taking time every day to think about the small joys we experience helps us to pay more attention to them. We have learned to watch out for enjoyable moments so we have something to write down. We are actively looking for the unicorns in our life, and somehow we started to find more. It is a slow process of re-wiring your brain to look for beauty instead of Nazgul.
It’s magic. When you have learned to see some unicorns you will soon see more and more.
Journaling about these moments means that when there is a dark day and there seems to be no hope you can go back in your journal and find proof that there is more than what you experience right now. You have experienced it before and you will find it again. Even in the dark there is hope and you can create a greater expectation. Unicorns are drawn to expectation.
The journal can also remind you of the places where you found unicorns before. It can remind you to go look at these places again. When you feel despair you can look it up, do these things and often it will help.
If things show up in your journal regularly you might want to write them down in The A-Z of pleasure and enjoyment
They are reliable places for unicorns to graze.
It can be terribly hard when you start this. Your brain isn’t used to finding the good things. Don’t give up. It can take a few weeks before it is getting easier. This is hard work for your brain.
If you struggle to find something „happy“ (happy is a big word…) then look for something „slightly better“ than usual. Maybe you bought flowers and when you see them the corner of your mouth twitches a little bit towards a smile for a second. That is worth writing down. Maybe you read an encouraging quote and felt understood and validated for a moment. Write it down. This is all about the small things.
If there is nothing, not even a „slightly better“ to write down, go for gratefulness instead. There are always things to be grateful for, even if it’s just that things aren’t even worse. Practicing gratefulness has a positive effect on how your brain is wired, too.
Some people don’t like journals. That doesn’t mean that this is not for you. Get creative and find a medium you like. Some take pictures with their smartphone and keep them in a certain folder for review. Some like to draw pictures instead of writing. Some collect small items in a box to remind them of a joyful moment or record a short message to themselves.
The main idea is to pay attention to an enjoyable moment, hold on to it and find a way to remind you of it. This creates a counter-balance to all your terrible memories.
I really hope you will give this a try. It sounds simple but there is good scientific evidence that this helps with depression and trauma.
Let’s find some unicorns!
If you are interested in more science about training yourself to be happy, read:
„Learned Optimism“ by Martin Seligman
This is a really good idea. I found this website from what you posted on Twitter. These are good suggestions but don’t always work. I try to fake it till I make it.
we have been doing this for years now. for the most time it actually worked to keep us out of depression. it certainly is a long-term game-changer for PTSD.
We are in the middle of a depressive episode right now and find that other things have a greater impact. Self-care, company, workout…
Keep going! Things will get better eventually.