A versatile yet simple technique for working with parts of a DID system uses our hands to represent different parts or groups of parts. All these exercises start with at least one part choosing a hand and imagining ‘going into’ that hand by moving their awareness there. In most of the advanced exercises 2 parts will choose one hand each and engage in some way. It is important to take the time to do this properly, otherwise the exercise won’t be effective.
We usually allow the more insecure part to pick a hand they feel comfortable with and the more stable part takes the other one. We take it slow, make sure the first part arrived in the hand and settled there before we move the awareness of the second part to the other hand. Take your time. Like all body work these are not fast exercises. Going in slow motion with lots of mindful awareness is exactly what is needed. We always make sure that both parts are firmly connected to their hands before we start any of the following exercises.
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Connecting parts with resources
Once a part in need has moved into a hand it is possible to bring this hand in touch with resources that could help them calm down or otherwise strengthen or regulate them. We described how to connect them to the feeling of being held and supported here. Other options would be to wrap them/the hand in a soft scarf or use items that represent skills and let the hand touch and explore these items for support. That way a part could eg sense grounding by holding a firm solid stone and feeling the weight of it.
It is a bit of a grey area and you need to communicate about it with your T to make sure that healthy boundaries are in place but this could be an option for a part to be held by the Ts hand as well. In real life only hands touch which is allowed in most states, but the effect could feel a lot bigger than that. Please make sure others in the system are ok with such an intimate intervention. In my personal opinion this is best reserved for adult parts who need a sense of stability. Being held by another part/the other hand is usually enough for younger parts and even increases inner connections and trust. If necessary, the T can hold the adult hand that then holds the Little’s hand.
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Connecting parts with other parts
Working with hands can help us overcome dissociative barriers and increase awareness and communication between parts in a tangible way. When parts struggle to connect with each other inside, can’t hear each other clearly or are just finding out that there are others, they can both pick a hand and we can slowly move our hands closer together. Don’t ever rush this and just clap your hands together. The dissociative barrier is there for a reason. We usually don’t have the capacity to just suddenly be united, that is the whole point. So when we move hands closer together we do it in baby steps while mindfully noticing how each part feels about it. Go as slow as you need to. It is normal not to be able to connect the hands at first. Just getting a bit closer together is more than enough.
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Titration
When we try to connect with very intense or dysregulated parts or some that are very different from us we often need to slow things down even more and just expose ourselves to small doses of how the other part feels, thinks, what they remember or how they sense the body. That is why titration is key. We can filter our experiences by choosing an item that serves as a barrier that allows certain things to come through but filters out other experiences. You could use a big book and imagine that experiences get stuck between the pages on their way so only a tiny bit makes it through or use a tissue box and imagine things are filtered through the white fluff inside etc. Any item your T has in their office can be imagined to work as a filter. Both hands can touch the filter and experience each other through it. It is up to you if information can flow both ways through that filter or if maybe doing it one way and then reversing the flow of information later is more helpful for the issue you are working on.
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Pendulation
Connecting parts this way can be an intense experience. It is important to take breaks to help us integrate the experience and not get overwhelmed by it. Removing the hands from each other for short periods to give ourselves time to breathe and process is essential. We could also touch a resource for grounding or support. That way we can regulate ourselves for a moment, share with our T and see if maybe we want to make a small change, add something, find a different way to meet a need etc. These exercises are meant to be very close to our individual experience, that is why nobody can predict how it will go and give you 10 steps to follow. Adapt things and follow your impulses on what is helpful or not.
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Connecting with aspects of experience
Sometimes we don’t need to get in touch with all of the complexity of a part, we only need to share one small aspect, like a feeling, a thought or opinion or belief, maybe we need access to their part of our body awareness to evaluate a medical situation properly or we need information about things in the past that they remember without necessarily needing all the emotions connected to it. Then we could give a specific meaning to each finger. One could stand for emotions, another for thoughts, another for pictures or memories or body sensation. We only connect with the finger/s that are needed in that moment. We can touch the finger with our whole hand or maybe we also just use one finger and share the information needed while leaving out everything else. This too could be titrated with an item used as a filter if the aspect of experience is tricky. Sharing only necessary information can help tremendously with managing situation when trauma work isn’t possible yet but the raw information is needed.
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Switching
To make us more functional in life it is helpful to learn how to switch on purpose when needed. When we use our hands for this, the fronting part and the part who is supposed to front each choose a hand. Then the fronting part takes an item with their hand and moves it over to the other hand/part. They imagine handing the item to the other part while that other part imagines actively grabbing that item with their hand. It takes a bit of practice and focus, but when it works it is very smooth and effective. It really feels like handing someone the reins. For us this is the easiest way to switch on purpose.
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Blending and fusion
Working with hands can accompany us through all of our therapy journey. When we are already very advanced we can use our hands to practice blending experiences. For that we return to working with fingers for different aspects and slowly fold one finger after the other together while blending these experiences inside. This is slow work. It is ok to just blend one aspect and see how that feels at first, then separate again and try again later, maybe with a different aspect.
For fusion we fold the fingers into each other one after the other, making sure the experience is shared and blended until the hands are fully folded into each other. Then the parts let go of the hands while maintaining this experience. When the hands separate the parts stay together. Don’t try any of this before the trauma is mostly resolved and you actually have the capacity for it. Being so close and blended like that needs a lot and you would just overwhelm yourself if you tried before you are ready.
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Work with hands looks deceptively easy. You just touch your hands after all. You do that all the time. But once parts move their awareness into a hand the experience becomes intense, intimate and vulnerable. If you do it for the first time, please make sure to do it with your T. In our experience the results are better when someone else guides through the exercise and tells us what to do. That way we can pay full attention to what we are doing and how we are experiencing it. Having to think of the next step would be a distraction.
When we do tricky work with hands it needs someone from the outside to help pace us, tell us when to take a break for integration and regulation and to add ideas when we feel stuck with something. It does not need a body work T to help you. Regular DID Ts should be able to pick up the technique quickly. The way we listen to other parts and share really isn’t that different to regular DID work, it is just made a lot easier when using our hands.
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You can find more about working with hands, including therapy transcripts that show how it is done, in The Trinity of Trauma 2 by Ellert Nijenhuis
Regarding “Hands technique for advanced DID Systems Work”
The reference book “The Trinity of Trauma”
Do you know what chapter the transcripts are in?
I found that we can purchase a single chapter from the publisher. I’m having a hard time finding the entire book, in English, in the U.S.
Unfortunately the case examples that include hands work are spread over the whole book. But I think that chapter 35 and 36 are the ones that make the most sense to get.