There are different ways to approach trauma processing with dissociative parts. All of them are exhausting and slightly incomplete. Our therapy sessions are long enough to work with the memory but they are never long enough to deal with all the feelings of hurt and injury, they can never cover a whole recuperation phase. What we experience is similar to surgery. The big event is over and then we still need time to heal properly, a bit of nursing in an environment that is meant to meet our special needs in this phase of recovery. We need to develop a space for that within us.
Dissociative parts who leave a trauma scene behind will often still feel very vulnerable, needy and hurting. At the very least they will be extremely tired once they realize that they can let go now. They need attention, care and time to heal. In our outside life, we might have to go to work or take care of kids, we have to function and there is no time to lick our wounds. When any sensible animal would curl up in a hiding spot and rest, we get into our car and continue with life. Hurting parts don’t have to join us right away.
We use our imagination to create an inner house of healing where we can bring parts who need special attention and a place to heal. It is a special version of a Safe Place and it can make sense to build one that is far removed from other inner places we regularly use. I like to choose a landscape where I would like to go on vacation. Maybe that is a place in the mountains, in a valley, near an ocean, lake or river, an oasis or whatever you like. I usually make it so remote that it is reached by helicopter only. That is the fastest way to transport injured people anyway and parts are worth getting there fast. Pick an environment that will bring you peace of heart and mind. Then you create an inviting and calming building. I keep things small and familiar. Think of a cozy bed & breakfast run by a caring helper. Then I merge it with the most expensive medical unit with all kinds of helpful equipment available, just in case. Whatever is needed, it is available. Rooms keep the character of an airy weekend holiday while also offering ways to mend harm.
Whenever we bring a part to this house of healing we work closely with the part to adapt their room to their needs. We go through a checklist but it is more important to tune in to the part and see what comes up and then find a creative solution. Things we always offer:
- food and drinks of their choice
- a bath, shower, magical cleaning or whatever would feel appropriate
- medical care (wrapping wounds, miracle repair surgeries, pain medication etc)
- clothes and covering of choice
This will create a sense of connection with their injury and pain and it can be heavy on our heart. Empathy is a good thing. It is part of the healing. We cope with it by offering the interventions that meet the needs of the situation.
We go through different sensory experiences to make sure that they can rest in peace. Posture can be crucial. Sometimes a soft bed is the right choice. Other times parts might not tolerate laying down and a comfy armchair is a better option. Always keep possible injuries in mind. We adjust the temperature and lighting to their personal needs. Sometimes temperature or lighting was meaningful within the trauma situation and offering them control over how warm or cool, light or dark it is supports healing from the memory. We ask if the door should be open or closed, if anything else is needed in the room so they can feel protected and safe enough to rest and sleep. They can have a stuffed animal and even things that were usually forbidden comforters.This is a new life with new rules. Parts are aware of the things they have always wanted but were never allowed to have and they are free to get all that now.
There is usually some form of nurse, doctor or helper who is a permanent resident of the house of healing. Maybe we have some real life experience with being taken care of in a gentle and caring way and we can introduce the same kind of feeling to this place. Parts are not left alone unless they demand it and we sense that it is a real need. Someone will check in with them, sit with them, even read to them if they like. It is meant to create the perfect atmosphere for real rest and healing. A sense of welcome, warmth and care is important. Turn it into everything you long for. You know what that is.
In some rare cases, we support the imagery with actions in the outside world. It can be meaningful to parts when we use real bandages to wrap up their injuries and change them a couple of times until they notice that things have healed. In most cases, experiencing peace, care and time to rest is all that is needed. Parts will recover from the hurt of trauma and return to the team eventually. We let them join us at their own time. It can be hard to stay in a house of healing for long when there is
- more trauma that needs to be processed
- a great eagerness to take part in real life actions
- low ability to imagine things
- multiple distinct states within that part
- …
Sometimes parts want to stay there. That is not a problem. They can stay as long as they like. Maybe they will take up nursing other parts once they feel better and maybe this is just their retirement home now. For me, this has only happened with parts who have been through extreme trauma and extraordinary harm. They left the role they had during trauma time and did not feel the need to pick up a new one. Being in such a peaceful place is all they ever wanted and that is ok. They can stay.
Once you establish a house of healing you can use it as often as you need to, add rooms or beds as you see fit. Even parts who are not recovering from trauma memories might find it useful. Especially hosts who are close to burning out might need a place to recover to avoid more splits or uncontrolled dormancy. It is easier for the whole system when they know where their host went, even if they are unavailable for some time.
After guiding a dissociative part out of a painful situation we bring them to a place of peace. It will not automatically lead to fusion (the way it could if we were dealing with fragments) but it usually supports the important steps of integration that are needed to finish processing a memory. After-care is important for healing. There is beauty to be found here.