Inner helpers (feat. Unicorn)

„Outside“ helpers are not always available. They go on vacation, they sleep, they have a private life,too. While it is necessary to build a network of helpers on the outside you can also find help on the inside. And it will be just what you need, because you created it yourself. Let’s talk about inner helpers!

 

What is an inner helper?

Inner helpers are imaginary figures that represent a role or virtue that is part of your deepest being. Think of it as the helpful forces of your own soul. Maybe it is deep wisdom that can be found in your Self, maybe it is compassion, comfort or support. If you can imagine it, you have it within you. Inner helpers only give a shape to it that you can relate to; they become an „other“ inside of us, who can meet our needs.

 

Who could be an inner helper?

This is very individual. Here are some common ones:

• a wise person
• a hero
• a figure from a book, movie, computer game…
• an animal (like a little I-bahhn’t-go-on)
• a mystical creature (like a unicorn)
• a symbolic animal (like an elephant for memory)
• a PocketTherapist (who might tell you exactly what your T would say to you in this situation)
• a plant/tree (like grandmother willow in Pocahontas)
• a supernatural being (like eg. an angel)
• God (he can offer help as a Father, as a bro in Jesus and as a motherly and not physical being in the Holy Spirit (some find that easier), you could choose for every situation. When choosing a supernatural being to be your helper, don’t be surprised when supernatural things seem to happen on your behalf)
• your own future self
• whatever you like

Using real people, dead or alive, is not recommended. Whole people are too complex to offer only helpful sides. If you insist, you can extract the good from the person and keep it as a helper.

 

How does an inner helper help?

An inner helper could be company for younger parts of you. They might help against the fear of being abandoned and alone. They can offer comfort and support, help you to relax and increase stability. They might even have an influence on your self-esteem, your sense of security and the level of courage you show.

A while ago we got a new helper, a unicorn. What else. It became a friend and a life-changer for one of our Littles. Not only did she feel safer and therefore stopped being so afraid all the time, which greatly reduced our sleeping problems. She also started to play and explore. When she feels bad she cuddles with her very own unicorn. How cool is that. She believes that unicorns like the company of good girls, and because the unicorn came to her she stopped thinking about herself as bad. Unicorns also don’t live in Mordor, which means that her unicorn has become her very own gauge to stay within the window of tolerance. For her specific needs we found the perfect inner helper.

Inner helpers are not just for inner children. Adults need them too. Talking to someone wise when there is nobody around to give good advice can be a great relief. You could imagine a scenery you like, maybe one you know from your exercises in guided imagery. Then you could invite your helper, advisor, wise person or your future self to be with you. Present them your case, describe the situation, ask them questions and listen. Take your time to listen to what a usually-subconcious part of your self has to say about this. It might feel weird at first but the results are astounding. You are getting access to an inner wisdom you were not aware of before. Make sure to thank your helper when you finish the conversation and say goodbye. They will be there next time when you need advice.

As someone who does not have contact with parents anymore I find this exercise very helpful. Others can ask their parents for help and support and learn from the experiences of older ones. I like to talk to the 85-year-old me who has lived through everything and became calm, peaceful, wise, loving, compassionate and very knowing. Somehow I expect myself to have shining white curls by then. She is a good place to go and ask my questions. Whom else would I trust but myself?

Sometimes when starting a conversation with an inner helper something mean might respond. That is not your inner helper. That is a different power. No problem. You can calmly tell it to go away for now because you are having an important appointment and that you will listen later. Maybe make an appointment, say friday 8:30 – 8:35am. Be there on friday, start on time, end on time, and see if there is still something left to say at all!

 

Where is the difference between „inner helpers“ and Inner Helpers?

If you have DID you might actually have Inner Helpers already. I bet you still feel like you could use some more help. The Inner Helpers in a system are just people and like all people they are not always just good. Maybe they have a bad day. They too might believe things that are not true and while they try to help they might mess it up. This won’t happen with imagined helpers. I have heard people wonder if creating an inner helper could create a new part. I don’t think so. I find parts to be a lot more complex. They are not a product of imagination but of the dissociated development of your identity.

 

How can I support the imagery of an inner helper?

Creating something visual can help you with this exercise. Maybe you can paint your helpers. We made some from clay and we keep pictures in our wallet and purse to remind us to actually make use of the help. On days that promise to be difficult we put a temporary tattoo of a unicorn-helper somewhere hidden, but we know it is there. Maybe you can also invent a background story for your inner helper, where they come from etc. that could be a fun way to create a sense of connection.

 

Please feel free to create your very own helpers. A unicorn is not mandatory! Maybe you will have a lot more support in a dragon, a kitten, a giant redwood or a speaking owl, or whatever else comes to your mind.