Most DID systems have a Goliath inside. A Giant, strong, mean, abuser-imitating, who comes forth to intimidate and declare war on us. Often we stand there like the Israelites, scared and convinced that we are doomed.
I will share with you the 5 stones a David could pick up to face a DID Goliath. They will be different from what you expected.
First of all your David has to understand that you are all very confused. You believe that there is this one army of good parts on one side of the battlefield and another army of bad parts on the other side and you are fighting each other. The truth is that there is only one army on the field.
Your soldiers are in some kind of trance state, caused by the fog of dissociation. They are not connected to reality and they are fighting each other, instead of marching in one direction to conquer life. You belong together. You are actually parts of one and the same person. This „enemy“ is one of you. Confused, but still. You might believe that he is like your abuser, he might believe he is the abuser, but what you believe is confused. The giant belongs on your team.
If you understand this fundamental truth you will also understand that it is not in your own interest to „kill“ your Goliath. He is the strongest warrior in your team. You would be stupid to want to destroy him. The 5 „stones“ your David will use are not meant to hurt anyone. They are meant to dissolve the confusion, step by step.
Stone 1: Praise and Honor
I know that it sounds crazy, but your David first needs to face your Goliath fearlessly and tell him how strong, fierce, dangerous and overall frightening he is and make that an honest praise to this parts abilities. Honor where honor is due, and your Goliath is really a huge big Goliath. David needs to honor him for that. And David can’t judge the effects all this had on the rest of the system in the past. He is talking to a confused warrior. He first has to acknowledge him as a good warrior. Your Goliath will accept your David as someone on „his side“ of the battlefield. A comrade in war. Someone he can trust.
Stone 2: Affirmation and Understanding
Your David can move on and express a deep understanding for what your Goliath is doing, and why. Maybe you broke old rules. It is important to make you obey the rules to keep you from harm. Maybe you showed weakness and your Goliath is making sure you won’t do that again. The weak won’t survive. Maybe you are sharing things that you are not supposed to share and your Goliath has to stop you to protect you from getting punished. Your David has to show understanding for the deeper reasons of Goliaths behavior and tell him that he is doing a great job. He is protecting you really well by keeping you in line through force, intimidation and violence. You Goliath deserves a lot of respect for doing this for you. This will grow connection between your David and your Goliath. David becomes someone who can be trusted in this war. They are Bros.
Stone 3: Introduction to the Present
This is where David can carefully tell Goliath, as a friend, that time has passed and that the present looks different from what he knows. David can lead Goliath to look through the bodies eyes, look in the mirror if he is really brave, to see the body and how big it has become. The people of the past are no longer around. David is leading Goliath out of the confusion into the present. Maybe he is also showing him that he is living in the same body as the other parts. And that harm done to the body is harm done to everyone, even himself. Goliath will need a friend now, because this realization is very hard. He will learn that all his actions are not needed anymore. The war is over. We won. Now there is only one army left.
Stone 4: New freedom
David stays with Goliath to show him that in this new world, with new people, he is free to choose what he wants to do and who he wants to be. It is up to him. His old job is not needed anymore. He did great at keeping you safe through the hardest time. That time is over now. The job is done and it was done well. Nothing keeps Goliath in the position he used to have. He can just retire. Or he can find another job. Oftentimes a Goliath never enjoyed his job much. Now he can do things that are more fun. Maybe David can introduce him to new ideas or ask questions to find out what Goliath would rather do than punishing. He is free now.
Stone 5: Connecting to the Team
If it hasn’t happened already it should happen now. David can introduce Goliath to the rest of your army and help build bridges. Maybe you have other warriors on the team who used to have bad jobs and who know how Goliath is feeling. They could welcome him, show him around, introduce him to your life and how things are done in your system. Forgive your confused warrior. It takes time and effort, but you can integrate Goliath into your team. A Goliath has often been very lonely and offering fellowship can be a great motivation to behave differently. And maybe he chooses to retire and not be engaged. Whatever it is, it would be great if the option of connection with the inner team would be available. It could be healing for all of you.
The first 3 steps can be done relatively quickly. The last 2 will need time. They might even happen simultaneously but they need to develop and grow. We usually need about a year to fully integrate an abuser-oriented part into the team.
I know that this is mind-boggling. Our first „David“ was a therapist and we honestly thought he had lost his mind, when he reached for the second stone. We have gone through these steps with 4 different parts now and it worked for all of them, no matter what age or function they had. But it needs a David to pull it off. Someone who can take a different perspective, win trust and not get confused, but lead that part of you into today and into freedom. If you don’t have a David in your system, ask your therapist to do this for you.
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