Dissociated parts are not all the same person at a different developmental stage. The functions and abilities of one complete person were separated into many pieces to cope with traumatic situations. And then parts kept developing and growing around the piece of functioning that they contain. Today, they are more than this one ability or mode. They grew a bit of personality around it, some more, some less.
It is in the nature of traumatic fragmentation that we separate into seemingly polar opposites. Specialists sometimes talk about predictable ‘lines’ along which separations are occuring. They happen along the lines of action systems and elements of experiences (BASK model).
Separation along the lines of action systems leads to the classic model of having parts who contain everyday functioning (ANP) and others who contain defensive functioning (EP). In bigger systems we will notice that there is a further separation between action systems. We have some parts who operate within a fight response and others who operate within a shutdown response. The everyday life parts might be separated into those who manage a job and those who raise children or have a social life.
With separations along the BASK lines we get parts who are very emotional with barely any cognitive abilities and others who are all cognitive with barely any emotions. Maybe we also have parts who only feel the body in a certain trauma situation but there is no thought. Some constellations of ‘splits’ are a bit more common (thought/emotion) and some less common (emotion/body sensation). Separations aren’t always that strict and they can connect some elements of human nature while excluding others.
When our inner structure gets closer to polyfragmentation we can also notice separations within the BASK element themselves where eg different emotions or beliefs within an experience were separated from each other in a stable way. When there are very clear-cut and structured separations on this level it can be an indicator that this was done intentionally by abusers who make use of these natural fracture lines.
What we might experience are parts who seem like polar opposites that cannot be reconciled with each other. If one is all feeling and the other is all brain there is nothing to connect them. How are we supposed to build bridges when they don’t share any experiences? The work part who sits over spreadsheets all day does not fit with the social part who can navigate the in-laws visiting for the weekend. Even if we want to have a more integrated life, we might not see how that could work out. Parts have their specialty and if we can just separate our life into the right pieces, we would only have to switch at the right time…. While that is a possible way to cope and it is common in systems who are considered ‘high-functioning’ it is not an integrative way.
The key to understanding how these opposites are supposed to fit together lies in understanding what a paradox is. Is this a vase or 2 faces? No. It is a reversible figure. The vase and the faces don’t fit together because they are similar in color or topic. The existence of one demands the existence of the other. There could be no logical part without a part who holds on to emotion. There could be no part who is ignorant of trauma without those who hold on to it so diligently. It is the separation that makes everyone who they are. And it is the separation that keeps them this way.
To understand how to live with all these opposing parts we need to understand what a Whole would look like. Go re-read about the action systems humans operate in. These are all normal behaviors that healthy people have access to in their life. Check the BASK Model to see the different elements of experiences a situation contains. Then check your parts. Who contains which piece of functioning? And who contains which element of experience? And suddenly you get a puzzle where pieces fit together. There is some fight behavior over here. That belongs to the defensive actions. And then there is play and curiosity over there, those belong to daily actions. Within the puzzle of a whole person the pieces will find their place. It makes perfect sense for them to exist that way. And while piecing together the elements of experience of a specific situation it stops feeling weird that one is all thought and one is all emotion. These are obviously pieces of the same experience. We lose sight of the polar opposites when we realize that this is not a puzzle where all pieces have to look the same. It is the whole point of dissociation that they are different. That is how structural dissociation works and the way separation occurs in the first place. When we stop trying to reconcile the differences and acknowledge that they are meant to complement each other we’ve made a step towards integration. This is not the kind of relationship work we are used to. It goes beyond that.
Some people with DID insist that they are many people in one body. The original pieces of functioning that were separated developed over time. They collected their own experiences and opinions and there is growth happening around the original piece. Today they are more than just this piece. That is why it feels like there are many independent people inside. When we look at the core of how they function we can still find the original piece that shows us where they came from and where in the puzzle of the personality they fit in. We will also notice that a single part won’t cover every single action system or element of experience. Something is missing because it is held by another part. No, these things don’t just go missing in healthy people. Having pieces missing from the whole and finding them in other parts means that we are not whole without them and we are not fully independent of them. That is why scientists don’t agree that DID means having many independent people in one body. What we have are separated pieces of one person who grew independently. More than a piece, less than a full person.
This is incredibly hard to understand early on and I wouldn’t even try. While we are busy with mapping we focus on getting to know who is there. If we notice the way they mainly function we can note that down but it might not become relevant for a long time. Piecing the BASK elements together is usually a task of the trauma processing phase. Without the trauma keeping us separated we can gain a new perspective on connecting the dots between action systems. These are integrative processes that need a lot of preparation so we can even realize them as true. Before we are ready for it, talk like that will only make us feel angry and misunderstood. It doesn’t match our experience and our experiences are the only reality we can understand.
As connection and cooperation become natural to us we will start to feel how it all fits together. Connecting polar opposites becomes logical. We start to get a felt sense for the way that the mind and feelings belong together. Which place defenses have in our life. And how work and socializing are not separate things. What used to feel like a polar opposite becomes a piece of our functioning again and we will realize how much it is needed. What is called ‘healthy multiplicity’ by many people with DID is called ‘integrated functioning’ by many professionals. This is what they mean: Re-connecting the pieces of functioning that were separated by trauma and across parts. While there are other ways of functioning, this one reduces symptoms to a minimum and resolves some of the suffering. There is no fusion needed for it to work. We do need to understand how we complement each other though. There is no space here to reject other parts for being ‘wrong’ or not belonging. Of course they belong. We are not meant to be the same. We will fit together quite nicely anyway.