Integrating ‘new’ parts (DID SystemWork)

When parts have been stuck in TraumaTime for so long, arriving in the present, learning that there are others and all of life has changed, that we have aged, the body is big – all that can come as a shock. That is why we have developed a protocol for ourselves for welcoming ‘new’ parts. It helps us with the first few steps and creates some order in the chaos. New parts feel so much safer when they are welcomed by someone who seems to know exactly what they are doing.

I will tell you what we do, which doesn’t mean that you need to do it the same way. Your system will be different. Maybe you will be encouraged to create your own protocol.

 

First steps

Safety

The first thing a part has to know is that they are safe now. They might not yet fully understand that TraumaTime is over, but we can already tell them that something has changed and that now it is safe. If a part is very scared a calm prosodic voice can help them calm down. Often it helps to actually speak out loud.

If we can get the attention of the part we might ask them to look around too, just to see the room we are in and see that nothing bad is happening. Parts sometimes need to be reminded to look through the body eyes and not just look around in the Inner World.

They are sometimes still in a dark place in the Inner World and that wouldn’t help. If they are, you (maybe with the help of your T) can guide them to a better place.

 

Safe Place

When the part is close to where your team usually stays, one of you can help them build their own safe place. Use imagery and let them choose what would be comforting and comfortable. Don’t judge if they make choices you don’t understand yet. It doesn’t have to feel safe to you, just to them. If they don’t know what would be nice you could suggest things like a soft place to sleep (some might not want a bed because that is scary!) or stuffies or a blanket or a nice picture of an animal they love on the wall. Don’t push anything you think would be right. If they don’t feel safe with that they will have their reason. When the part is more like a teen you might just explain the concept of a safe place and let them create it for themselves, they might want some privacy and keep things for themselves. Don’t try to enter a secret safe place without asking permission. More

 

Helpers

Trust is earned and there has been no time to get to know each other yet. A new situation can feel very lonely and intimidating and it is wise to keep some distance to parts who are not able to receive any closer contact. We have lots of parts like that, who don’t trust anyone. That is why after the safe place the very next thing we give to a new part is an inner helper. They can choose a helper that feels safe to them. We have great experiences with pets, everything from dog to sheep to horse, and mystical creatures like unicorns or friendly/fierce/protective dragons. Let the part choose, they will figure out what they want. You can give some examples to wake their imagination. Sometimes the safe place needs to be adapted to make room for a helper.

 

Containment

This might not be needed for every new part right away, but if they arrive spilling all their trauma memory so that the system gets flooded, it is important to teach some kind of containment, maybe the basics, or the jumping box or the full system version. First we stabilize, then we look at the memory. That is true for new parts too. You don’t want to get other parts flooded all the time, that is not bringing any relief for the new part, it just makes it more difficut for everyone. Learning how to contain can bring a relief. Later we will look at the memory.

Imagine you came to a new place after traveling for a long time. Setting these things up after arriving will often be tiring and the part deserves a little break so they can settle in with their safe place and their helper and rest a bit.

 

 

Next steps

Sponsor

We always ask who in the system wants to sponsor the new part. They will be a guide and a first person to build relationship with. Depending on how the new part is doing you might need someone strong who will not get hurt in case they get attacked or someone funny or sweet. Usually Littles who want to help can join in, but they don’t get the full responsibility of a sponsor, that would be overwhelming. This is a great opportunity for helper parts. Support the new part to stay oriented in time and space and teach basic grounding.

Try to find out what they like and enjoy. That could be foods, but also games or stories or songs. Sponsors can collect all this information and use it for support with soothing when things get a little too much. Maybe you can generally start to do these things more often now. Be patient, you can’t expect to be trusted with vulnerable information right away.

If someone doesn’t want anything to do with us, eg because they are missing the abusers, we negotiate that they create a window in their safe place and look outside at least once a day. We will leave them alone as long as they want to, but ask them to look outside at times when we think that there is something meaningful to see.

There is no specific order to the next steps and it really depends on the dynamic with the specific part.

 

The Present

With parts who are more open to a new life we take our time to introduce them to all the changes.

We will ask them to pay attention to certain things the host is doing and practice looking outside and sharing co-consciousness. For some that comes easy, others will need to practice longer. Some of our favorites are going to the dog park to watch cute dogs play, have parts join when baking cookies or to watch a short kids movie clip. These contacts with the outside world rarely take more than a few minutes and it doesn’t need to be longer. They just need proof that life is safe and beautiful.

 

The Team

Some really want to get to know the others in the system. They can slowly be introduced to new faces by their sponsor. Often it helps to play something together (like using the unicorn/all about me questions from the system game). It doesn’t have to be long. Getting to know new parts can be tiring and stressful so my advice is to keep it down to a few minutes. That also makes it easier for the team. SystemWork doesn’t have to take hours at a time! 3×5 minutes a day can be extremely effective and even helps to create a better sense of the time passing. Even avoidant hosts might be able to do 5 minutes.

 

The History

Some parts don’t care so much about the others as they are astonished about the time that has passed, and they need explanations and someone to fill them in on all they have missed.

We have created a long ‘Hallway of History’ inside where there are pictures from all the past years, from TraumaTime til now. You don’t have to start at the very beginning, skip over the trauma section of your memory. We usually walk down the hallway and look at the pictures of important events beginning at the point where life got better. This too needs to be taken slowly and you can return to sharing memories to fill the gasps and take lots of breaks.

 

The Body

For some parts it might be crucial to do it now and for others it is better to wait, but at some time the new part needs to get oriented in the body. I hope you can do that with a T because it can be scary, especially for child parts, to realize that they are inside an adult body (or sometimes a body of the opposite sex they identify with). It is crucial if a part is aggressive against the body and believes that by hurting it they would hurt the others but not themselves. They need to understand there is only one body.

For some it can be reassuring to see how tall they have become, so they won’t be so scared.

If it is not absolutely necessary we wait with this revelation until the part is safely attached to someone inside who can offer proper support. Doing the memory exercise prepares them a little that things have changed.

 

I dont want to create a false picture here, these steps take us weeks, sometimes months, even when we are diligent about it and practice daily. It helps when inside parts can do this SystemWork while the front people go on with life. If it all depends on the front people to manage it that will take a lot longer. Some parts are more eager to have a new life than others. Those who are loyal or bound to abusers will need some more help that I will explain in a separate post.

 

 

Long term (in no particular order)

It will take a while to get to know each other. Start to introduce the new part to the roll calls and team meetings. That way they get the same rights as everyone else to speak up and share their wishes and needs.

Introduce them to your core values, how a powerful person acts and explain why this is something that gives you direction and where you are planning to go. Let them make up their mind about it. Explain the goals you are currently working on to avoid that they are somehow working against that or get confused. Ask them if they have something to add to your values and goals.

 

Maybe they want to meet your spouse or friends or therapist or other helpers and get to know them better and build some trust. Some parts don’t want that and that is ok too. Don’t push anything. We try to keep the main attachment within the system. Other people might leave our life, even therapy will eventually be over, so it feels the safest if the Littles attach to adult parts, who won’t go anywhere. Our helpers cannot take responsibility for our parts without creating dependency that will sooner or later turn abusive. Speak about boundaries.

 

Because structural dissociation sometimes means that some parts have abilities others don’t have it would be helpful to find out what this new part can do and where they might lack abilities.

The strength of a specific part can become a job or role they can have in the system. We have someone who is really good at feeling the body who can always tell us when something hurts or when we are hungry, someone else who has almost perfect memory and can remind us of appointments etc.

Some parts who used to have a job that sustained the rules of TraumaTime might be glad to get a new job where they can do something nice. Some parts might have done a lot for the system in the past and don’t need any responsibility now and that is ok too. Some Littles will simply play and sleep and feel safe and that IS their job and it is equally important. It is doing something for the system, even if some parts might think it is not.

 

Keep working on co-consciousness, communication, cooperation, community and not leaving each other alone.

The new part can learn coping skills and imagery and self-soothing, all with the support of other parts who already know all that. They can join your exercises of synchronizing and your fire drill.

 

When they know they are safe, and they are grounded in the present, and they know what a flashback is and how to manage it with the support of other parts and they have found things they really enjoy in life today, then you and your T can move on to listen to more of their trauma memories.

It can usually not be helped that some of that is seeping through at times, but I would very much recommend sticking to the 3 phase model even with Littles, stabilize and integrate into a good team of helpers inside before approaching trauma.

 

I am telling you about this in the hope that it will give you a plan you can follow without losing sight of what to do. I wish a T would have taught us this. Even if it has to be adapted to every part individually it is better than having no plan at all.

I will always only be able to tell you steps to a more integrated life. It’s the only thing I know works long-term.