Putting goals into words helps to achieve them. But if they are vague you are not giving yourself enough information and detail to guide yourself toward that goal.
We recommend making SMART goals.
Specific/simple/sensible/significant: What do you want to achieve, and what does that look like, in detail, in specific situations, in specific behaviors etc. You need to break it down into something simple.
Measurable/meaningful/motivating: how could you measure it? How could you keep track or your achievements? How do you know when you have achieved your goal and what would that look like? Celebrate progress.
Achievable/agreed/attainable: don’t reach for the stars, break down bigger goals into small steps, If something is unachievable, find out what is in the way and start there. If you have DID, the system needs to agree on the goal and work together.
Realistic&resourced/relevant/reasonable/result-based: not everyone can achieve everything, success depends on individual resources and personality, some need more time than others. Don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting the impossible
Timely/time limited: give yourself a timeframe, set a date when to re-evaluate your progress to see if what you do is working. Establishing a new habit usually takes between 3 and 5 weeks.
Make it even SMARTER by adding Evaluation and Review of what you have done when the time is up.
Focussed energy is key. Pick a problem and work on it until you have reached your goal. Don’t work on too many SMART goals simultaneously. If you try to change too much at the same time, it will not stick.
Maybe you want to sort your goals into „important“ and „urgent“ piles. Those that are both have priority.
Another strategy is to work on the small/easy ones first and use the encouragement from your success to boost your motivation/self-esteem for bigger goals.
You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Don’t forget to work in a team, look for support groups, accept help from other.
Only make goals that are within your power of influence. You cannot make the goal to „make x fall in love with me“ because that is up to x and you can’t make them. Your goal needs to be independent from other people’s free will.
Keep the serenity prayer in mind: courage to change what you can change, serenity to accept what you cannot change, wisdom to tell them apart.
If you cannot fit your goal into the SMART technique it might be a growth goal, not a learning goal.
Imagine making a goal for mourning a loss, then checking in 3 weeks later to see how far you have mourned. It is not working that way! There are things that need time, patience and a natural development and trying to make them a goal and „work“ on it actually gets in the way. You can try too hard.
It is not wise to limit growth goals by making them SMART. While I could make a goal of „trusting T enough to share xy“ the free exploration of „trust in a relationship“ might get me to unexpected places. Only sharing xy would be aiming too low.
With growth goals we prefer to define a direction we want to explore and then see how far we can go. We won’t stop when we reached a goal, only when we have reached the end of what is possible for us.
Personal Values are growth goals. Our SMART goals should be in line with them.
It is our conviction that therapy needs both, SMART goals and growth goals, for the best results.
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