Using IFS for DID therapy is a mixed bag. There is advanced training that does support DID therapy but many people with DID who are confronted with the basic training feel alienated and like something about it is off. It was not developed with dissociative barriers in mind. There is still a basic dynamic that is taught in IFS that will be helpful early on when we try to stabilize our life and reduce impulsive behaviors.

The key dynamic

IFS works with 3 basic roles that parts can take on. In the role of a Manager a part will try to avoid needy parts and focus on functioning in daily life. Intrusions from hurting parts are pushed from awareness because they are scary.

In the role of an Exile, a part who is hurting is trying to get their needs met. They can try to get the attention of other parts, sometimes they don’t know what to do with their suffering so they flood other parts with memories. There is usually a connection to trauma or distress that makes their needs extremely uncomfortable for the system. When Exiles are pushed away for too long, they will eventually find a way to express themselves. That can happen in outburst, harmful coping behavior, breaking rules or acting out.

These uncontrolled behaviors lead to the activation of the third role, the Firefighter. In this role, parts try to put out the fires that parts as Exiles caused in our lives. It usually means that unwanted parts are stuffed back inside and pushed back even further. It also includes all kinds of behaviors to somehow restore peace to the situation.

Hosts are usually in the role of Managers, because they are best suited for that job profile. Hurting child parts are usually in the role of the Exile because they carry trauma and unmet needs. The role of Firefighter can sometimes be covered by hosts and sometimes we will see controlling or appeasing EPs take over.

We usually see this pattern in systems that haven’t worked out how to communicate and cooperate. There is a phase where pressure from being avoided builds up, there is an eruption and then it needs to get covered up again. As long as there is no change in behavior this pattern will be repeated endlessly and it is nobody’s fault. It is just how it works. So, where do we start the change?

 

Resolving the dynamic

We start by stepping out of the strict profile of the Manager role. Avoidance doesn’t have to happen, pressure doesn’t have to build up and hurting parts don’t have to be in the role of an Exile. The pattern is not set in stone. In IFS you would learn to step into the energy of what they call ‘Self’ to improve the dynamic and avoid Manager engergy. Basically, that is just a confusing way to call an inner posture where we are compassionate, curious, creative, caring and some other helpful things that start with c. Compassion and curiosity are the main factors that reduce our fear of needy parts. They enable us to wonder how they experience the situation and how we can help. It is impossible to feel compassion and rejection at the same time. Creativity helps us to come up with new ideas on how to support these parts. By stepping out of the avoidance pattern of the Manager we protect them from having to be Exiles. Cause Exiles will be Exiles. The pressure of being avoided while hurting so much is just too big. Without Exiles there is no need for firefighting. Parts who usually have to take on the role of Firefighter should have their own interest in supporting hurting parts so they won’t be exiled.

In a way we are asking the adults to be the greater person and to face their fears for the sake of the hurting parts. We are very much used to Managing because it is a key survival strategy in DID while the trauma continues. Eventually, it becomes dysfunctional. Exiling is no longer the best strategy for life. Impulsive behavior and loss of control will be reduced dramatically once we take care of hurting parts and make room for their needs.

 

Roles are not strictly only for parts who typically end up there. A host who constantly has to put off their needs for later and who never gets time to take care of themselves, can end up in an Exile role. Now they are the hurting and needy ones and they might end up taking what they need without asking the others if that is ok. We must be careful not to attribute a role with a certain kind of part too much. Everyone can end up in a position where needs are unmet and it is getting painful. Unmet needs will erupt. We can’t ignore anyone for long without creating an Exile situation within ourselves.

 

Giving us words for this dynamic is probably the most helpful thing we can get from IFS for DID. Otherwise the specialized version is not that different from regular DID therapy and sticking to the roles after the pattern is mostly resolved can even become confusing. It is a tool for the beginning of therapy that will eventually lose its usefulness when avoidance isn’t the main problem anymore. We need to keep in mind that parts might hurt for specific other reasons like being disoriented or dysregulated. While avoidance creates great pressure it isn’t the only thing that does. The IFS roles will not fit every issue that comes up in therapy. Keeping in mind that avoidance is one of our possible problems to resolve impulsive behavior is useful nonetheless. What seems like a solution to us might be causing the problems.