Many trauma survivors are annoyed by their therapists persistence in trying to teach them mindfulness. The exercises seem weird and we can’t comprehend how that is supposed to help us with our PTSD.
We might not understand it right away, but mindfulness is the key to emotional regulation.
As we have explained here, trauma changes the way we perceive emotions and the cycle of avoidance and being triggered makes them more intense. We end up experiencing emotional hijacking, lose control over our actions and do unhelpful things.
To step out of the cycle we need to reduce our avoidance and learn to sense our emotions again.
Learning to experience emotions instead of dissociating them will improve our well-being. But because the feelings are so intense now, we need to pace ourselves and use the position of a distant observer so we won’t get overwhelmed.
The goal we are aiming for is equanimity. That’s a state of inner balance that is undisturbed by experiences from the inside (like emotions or pain) or the outside (like circumstances). It is marked by patience and grace and softness in the face of discomfort and the ability to see beyond that and recognize the ebb and flow of life.
Like buddhist monks we can learn that by practicing mindfulness. (Unlike buddhist monks I encourage to savor good moments and not be undisturbed by them too)
Let’s take a look at the characteristics of a mindfulness practice that helps with emotional regulation.
Observe
Instead of participating in vehement emotion, stop everything and take a step back inside, so you can observe your own experience. Being an observer puts you above the situation, so it can’t control you. Without distance there is no self-control.
Describe
Take a moment to notice what is going on in your body and mind and describe it, maybe finishing a sentence like “I notice that…“ or “It is interesting to see that…“. If you allow curiosity to guide you, there is little room for anxiety.
Don’t judge
Describe without evaluation. There is no good or bad. Be a neutral witness of what is happening inside of you. Feelings about feelings (like guilt or shame) are based on a judgment of our inner experience. They make emotional regulation impossible. Your T will help you to learn how to overcome that. Every kind of evaluation feeds the feeling and keeps it alive longer than necessary.
No interpretation:
Stay with the description of the present experience without trying to put it into a context of a longer story. Our brain wants to make sense of things by inventing stories, but they are unhelpful. We don’t need to be reminded of past events or create an expectation for the future. That just feeds the emotion and rarely has anything to do with reality anyway.
No action
Be still and stay with your experience. Keep describing how it changes over time. It won’t stay the same and it won’t last forever. There is no reaction needed. Just be there with yourself. It might be uncomfortable but it is harmless.
[Start to act when you feel that you are falling out of your window of tolerance because you couldn’t stick to the previous rules. In that case, regulate your arousal levels first. But don’t confuse regulating arousal with regulating emotions. They are different things. The emotion is not a threat.]
Our emotions are a response to an event and the experience is made of
- body sensations
- impulse for action
- thoughts and
- a feeling
to help us find an action that can meet our needs.
When we use mindfulness in a situation where we experience a strong emotion, we observe these 4 sides of the emotion.
Body sensation
I think it is best to learn to observe, and tolerate, the body sensation first. It is what is causing the most fear and avoidance. If I can learn to stay with my body while I show the physical signs of emotions, I won’t have to dissociate the experience.
That is one of the reasons why we practice the Body Scans that often seem like they don’t do anything for us. We are practicing to be aware of our body, including the uncomfortable parts, trying to learn equanimity for when the force of emotion rushes through us. This is also a core principle in trauma-sensitive yoga. These practices help us to prepare for emotional regulation.
Impulses
My next step is to observe my impulses and be very conscious about not doing anything at all but breathe. Impulses change over time. When we experience strong emotions we sometimes get ‘stupid’ and do things that seem like a good idea in that moment. Emotional regulation usually needs some kind of action, but my first impulses sometimes take the direction that is opposite to a solution.
Thoughts
When I am sure that I won’t do anything stupid I take the time to observe my thoughts from a passive position. Our thoughts are closely connected to our feelings and often we keep feelings alive for way longer than they would naturally last because we keep adding thoughts. When I just allow thoughts to happen without focussing my awareness on the event that triggered them or judging my experience, my mind will calm down.
Feelings
Feelings don’t last forever. They spike and fade. Sometimes they are waves that come and go, sometimes one feeling is followed by another. And then they dissolve. It is possible to ride emotions like waves, if we allow ourselves the experience them. Being aware of our experience means we can identify our feelings, a condition for regulating them. If we avoid our feelings we render ourselves powerless. Mindfulness means that we put our mind into a state where we wait and don’t feed the emotions, so they can fade naturally.
When the intensity and the impulses decreased, we can respond to the event that triggered the emotion and do a reality check to find more relief and options for actions. The emotions might fade or we can continue with strategies to regulate them.
We need an active effort of mindfulness to get on top of things, to grab the reins, so we can use our other tools properly and guide ourselves through the process of regulation. The disidentification with the vehement emotion is a crucial step we cannot skip.
We do one of the distant observer exercises every day. It takes patience and small steps, but eventually it will increase our tolerance for emotions and their intensity can decrease. We don’t have to live with vehement emotion all our life.
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