There is an exercise that helps us to find the small things we can change to improve our life for the whole system. It is inspired by an ancient meditation technique we learned long ago. You could call it a review of the day or an evening meditation.
We sit down with those of the system who want to participate in a helpful way and ask 3 questions.
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What was good ( = helpful, encouraging, strengthening, funny, happy, relaxing etc) today?
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What was not so good today?
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What could we do better tomorrow?
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We ask one question, collect all the answers in our journal until there is nothing to add, then move to the next question. It is a good place to expand on positive memories and events and to be thankful. We can also find out what we might want to repeat in the future.
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The second question is left vague on purpose. Every day will bring some amount of pain that needs to be acknowledged and grieved but it usually isn’t good to dig deep before going to bed. Instead we write down the situations that were ‘not so good’ to increase awareness for them. Parts who manage everyday life can easily miss that certain things are hard for other parts and it’s good to become more aware of that.
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The third question is meant to be encouraging. We keep the suggestions practical and collect ideas that are specific for the following day. We aim for the small changes that can easily be implemented, not the big structural changes some parts might demand. Those are kept for proper team meetings.
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The next morning we can look at the wishes that were expressed and do our best to fulfill them. That way we can strengthen trust and relationships within the system and we improve self-care and cooperation, which leads to a smoother day and less conflict.
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I would not recommend trying this exercise if you are still struggling with a lot of parts who are not grounded in the present yet. As long as all the answers we get are blame, accusations and punishment we won’t benefit from asking. It needs some willingness to cooperate and the common goal to create a better day for the whole system. It also needs some willingness to forgive and some trust that everyone is doing their best and will keep improving.
We might notice parts with responses that have nothing to do with what actually happened that day, thus their wishes are not making sense: they are still stuck in TraumaTime. They will need help to become aware of the present first before they can participate in a helpful way. We might learn something about triggers in our everyday life though, and that can be important information.
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The whole exercise is grounded in the present. In the reflection of today and the grounded ideas about tomorrow. That is how it can effectively improve our life.
It means this is a somewhat advanced exercise for systems with high presentification who are willing to try their best by cooperating.
We don’t do it everyday, but whenever we do, we notice that it makes a difference. Sometimes capacity for exercises has to grow, so don’t put pressure on yourself to do it more often than you can handle. Maybe weekends are a good time to practice.
(And yes, everyone can use this, even without having parts. It was originally intended to be a normal evening routine.)
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