Rhythm and Routines

Nature moves at the sound of a silent melody. It is full of rhythm.

Day and night. The moon, ever increasing and decreasing. The tides that come and go. Autumn following summer, every year. Blossoms, fruit and new seeds for blossoms.

Humans are part of nature and we carry our own rhythm with us. Breathing in and out, while our heart beats like a drum. Take a moment to listen to your own rhythm if you like.

Trauma messes with the natural rhythm of our body. Insomnia means we are out of sync with the day&night rhythm of nature. Amnesia can get us confused about the order of time and days. Numbing reduces body awareness and we struggle to move as we planned. We are moving out of tune and that is stressful.

 

We are on a journey of finding a new rhythm.

We started with a new sleeping pattern. Going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. It took a few weeks to get used to it.

Find out how we did it here

Basic sleep hygiene

negotiating sleep (SystemWork)

We are now getting tired in the evening, we sleep during the night and wake up a little refreshed.

 

Then we turned to eating. Breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, at set times. Not even a week later the body fell into the rhythm, getting hungry at those times of day. It felt like a great relief, the body obviously loves regular meals. This is the first time we get them (outside a clinic) in our life. We didn’t have a single binge eating attack since then.

Structure strengthens. The body thrives on rhythm.

There are very interesting approaches in therapy to restore rhythm to trauma survivors. They include music and drumming together. How interesting to not only find our own rhythm, but use it to connect with others! You can do the same by using dance, movement combined with rhythm, first for yourself, then in connection with others.

Why should you bother with this? Because it reduces stress. And a LOT of it.

I was shocked how grateful the body seemed for rhythm.

 

 

Routines

You can increase the effect of rhythm by adding routines.

We are currently using 3 different routines. (I will share with you what they look like to give you an example, not an instruction.)

Evening routine:

• check calendar for the next day (maybe weather too)
• put out clothes for the next day that match the plans
• wash dishes, clean the kitchen sink
• brush teeth
• wash face and hands and feet (like Auri)
• remove make-up, put on moisturizer
• get into PJ’s
• open the window (cause we need fresh air)
• grounding a last time, then fall asleep

The day is officially over as soon as we start the routine.

 

Morning routine

• grounding the first time
• make the bed (to signal that we will not return to it!)
• shower
• brush teeth
• put on make-up
• get fully dressed with the things we put out (including shoes)
• put away the dishes, check the sink
• wipe the toilet
• make coffee/breakfast

We don’t check our social media before breakfast. The day hasn’t officially started until we finished the routine.

We are creating a rhythm that includes anchors. The clothes we put out is one. Returning to the sink and picking up the dishes from the evening before is another. Hygiene and Make-up is another. We either repeat things or we go back and forth between opposites, always picking up the threads from the day before. Why the toilet? To remind us that we are ready for every surprise (guest) life might bring that day.

 

The third routine we use concerns meals.

A meal is made of these parts

• prepare the meal
• eat the meal
• return dishes to kitchen
• clean the dishes/ pots used
• put them away
• clean the sink

As you can see we end with the anchor of the sink again.

This routine is another break from life. From start to finish we are not available for anyone. Meals are isles of peace in our day. Everyone, including parts, can take a break. When you get used to taking this time for yourself, the calming effect will increase over time. The body thrives on rhythm. Busy days need periods of rest, relaxation and self-care.

The day becomes more predictable and reliable. That creates a greater sense of safety. You can relax, knowing that even during chaotic days you will return to the routine, that exists outside the chaos.

The meal routine includes the concept of „finishing“ things. We carry that idea into other tasks as well. Every task is only finished when we put things away again. It helps us to stay focussed and oriented in time. Another small rhythm.

All this creates order. Something that counters the chaos of dissociation. It is also very different from the household we grew up in.

Littles thrive on routines. They find great safety in doing this.

There is healing, strength, and peace in finding rhythm and routines.

More about anchors