We often think of functioning in a simplified way: either we function or we don’t. Reality is more complex than that. Different tasks need different kinds of energy. It means we can function in some areas while we don’t function in others. Hard physical labor is not the same as creative work, social interactions, spreadsheets, caretaking or shredding paper. It is wise to keep that in mind.
With DID we encounter a special situation within the normal shifts of functioning between different areas that everyone experiences. Different parts have different abilities and areas where they function well. It means that we will need to switch to match the demand of a situation. Having one part front for too long might cost us stability because certain areas are constantly neglected. We also benefit when we don’t push ourselves to do things we aren’t good at and instead go with the flow and do the kind of tasks we have the energy for. Otherwise we just waste a lot of strength. When our mind doesn’t produce creative ideas it is ok to go scrub the bathroom. A simple shift in the area we focus on can move us from low functioning to high functioning.
It is common for traumatized people to function well at work but to fall apart as soon as we get home. Then suddenly we fail to prepare food, laundry is piling up, there is unopened mail and we just can’t. We are functioning selectively. The more stress we have the more intense that can get. We lose abilities in areas that cost us a lot while we dive deep into the things that help us to regulate ourselves. Work is often a go-to because it is familiar, it keeps us in our head so we won’t feel too much and we are kept busy and away from our troubles at home. Other people might dive deeply into their knitting or writing or clean the house like crazy.
We need to pay attention when our areas of functioning narrow down like that. It can look high functioning and we can tell ourselves that we are doing an excellent job and we are. And at the same time we are becoming unstable and important areas in our life are being neglected. It is ok to do that for a couple of days to manage an emotional crisis but we can’t live our life like that without losing stability. Selective functioning can get so bad that we neglect enough things that even our area of high functioning will be impacted and limited. Then we just crash.
It is ok and normal to function selectively. We need to keep an eye on it though. When we check the different areas in our life regularly we get a better picture of how we are doing than when we only check our ability to work in our job. The broader our foundation of different areas of functioning is the more stable and safe our life will be. We can get help for the areas we can’t manage alone to make sure our foundations are as solid as we can make them.
What are the areas where you as a part function best? How about the others? What are the areas where functioning drops in difficult situations? Where does it increase? How does that increase help you to cope? What are the basics that you need to pay attention to to make sure you don’t lose too much stability?
Talk to your support team about different areas of functioning. Sometimes helpers get mad with us because they see us function in one area and they assume that surely then we could manage other tasks as well when really we can’t. The tasks are very different and there might be triggers that make them especially hard for us. Let them know what kind of high-functioning behaviors are really a sign that things are going terribly wrong so they get a chance to notice it when it is happening. Apparent functioning can be very deceiving for those who don’t understand coping strategies and structural dissociation.
This is extremely helpful, as someone who was massively high functioning and then just crumbled. Even after I crumbled I could function extremely efficiently in one area (kind of a trauma-driven area) but could no longer keep it together for others.
Do you have more suggested reading on this concept of selective and apparent functioning?
I don’t. This article is one of the few that is based on my own therapy experience and the lessons I learned for myself. The apparent functioning is often mentioned in books but I haven’t seen any in-depth discussion yet. or at least I can’t remember.