This guided imagery is a bit different from what we are used to. It is not meant to create a calming atmosphere where we can relax. It uses relational regulation to help us remember the important people in our life and feel connected to them. That makes it especially useful in times when we long for support and encouragement or when we feel a bit lonely and homesick because we haven’t seen loved ones in a while or maybe there is no chance of seeing them again. After the exercise we might feel refreshed, more hopeful and thankful for the gift of having beautiful people in our life. There might be a taste of sadness but I hope that the thankfulness for the experience will out-shine it.
In this exercise we will meet loved ones at a private ball and dance a simple dance with them. No need to worry about not being able to dance, it will be one of those baroque dances where you basically just step around in the room. Try to focus on your dance partner and look them in the face and forget about your feet. Your mind will produce some kind of movement that will fit. There is the option to hold a hand or put the palms together but nobody has to do it if touch feels uncomfortable or out of place with the other person. Read the exercise before you use it to become familiar with it.
Some people struggle with imagery because negative things creep in. When you find yourself facing a person you don’t like, just hop away to the next person and skip that one. Stop the exercise if it doesn’t get better and do some grounding instead. In case you have a background of organized abuse please don’t try the imagery if it reminds someone in the system of past events that led up to abuse.
Anyone can be your dance partner as long as it is a supportive person you want to see and connect with. It doesn’t matter if these people are still alive or not. They might not even be real people at all. Once when I used this exercise my subconscious presented the faithful dog I used to have as a child, so I did the little dance with the dog and it was brilliant.
Please find a comfortable position that makes you feel safe and supported. An upright position might be better for this exercise than laying down. Take a moment to check if you are satisfied and make small changes as needed. You can close your eyes or soften your gaze or take turns, whatever feels right today. Take a few deep breaths to help you arrive in the moment and gather your thoughts.
When you are ready, your mind can bring you to the place where you will spend a good time with beloved people at a private ball. Maybe you arrive in a carriage or car or you just appear in front of the impressive building. Look at the stairs and the ornaments and how grand and beautiful the building is. Maybe you can already hear voices and the sound of music and feel the excitement of meeting old friends. Look down at yourself and observe your elaborate and fine garments, sense how soft the fabric is and how well it fits you and notice all the shining bits or soft clinking sounds when you move. You look very fine today.
Take your time to walk up the stairs and notice how the sound of music gets a bit louder with every step. Maybe there is merry laughter too. The big doors are open wide for you. With an intentional step you leave the outside world behind you and enter into the soft and warm atmosphere of the ballroom.
Let your eyes wander around the room. Maybe there are places where people can sit comfortably with soft cushions and talk. A ball will also have a place to get drinks and snacks and it isn’t hard for you to find. Notice the lighting and how it is just right, spreading a cozy golden light that fills the whole room. The air might smell like flowers or spices or something else that is welcoming. Somewhere you can see the source of the music, a group of musicians sitting together and playing in unity. In the middle of the ballroom there is a wide open space and people have gathered to dance and laugh and enjoy the company. Let out your breath while you walk further into the room and attune to the atmosphere.
Then the musicians might end the piece of music they played and get ready for a new one. It is your chance to join the dancers on the floor and get in contact with your friends who are already in the middle of it all. For the next dance everyone gets into two rows, with people facing each other. You pick a row and when you look up you see who you are paired with. It is that person that is so very good for you and where you feel at home and known. You can look them right in the face and see them smiling back at you with a twinkle in their eyes. They are happy to see you too and want to be the first to greet you.
The music starts and you bow to each other. Then you take each other’s hands or maybe just hold your palms a few inches apart at shoulder height and step to the front of the room side by side. Maybe your dance partner has something nice to say to you that makes you smile. As you step in sync with each other you can feel your connection being refreshed and restored. The music signals when to turn around and you switch hands and take the same steps back with each other. Maybe there is something you want to say back while you look at your dance partner from the side.
When the music gives the signal you alone turn around and get ready to walk in a circle with your partner, like a windmill. You can lift your hands to shoulder height and put your palm together with the palm of your partner or keep them a few inches apart. First your circle goes in one direction, while you both look at each other’s faces. The world around you has vanished and it feels like only you and your partner exist while you move around each other, your eyes locked. Maybe all your positive feelings for this person come up and you can experience how much they really mean to you, what you are thankful for and how meaningful your connection is.
When the music gives the signal you switch directions and circle the other way round. You can take the time to really let your feelings sink in, examine the face of your partner with appreciation, feel the connection even deeper. When you feel full and satisfied the music will give you a signal to step back into the rows. You can bow to each other in greeting and then you can hop a few steps to the side, where a new dance partner will be waiting for you.
Your mind can show you the person who would be the most encouraging and helpful to see today. Then you might face a person from long ago or someone you just met today or someone who supported you when you needed it most. You greet your partner with a little bow and take position to walk side by side. Notice all your feelings about meeting them here today. Maybe there is something to say or maybe you just enjoy the company and the chance this ball is offering you. When you turn around to walk in the other direction you might notice a small thing about your partner that is so typical for them it makes you smile.
As you turn to put your hands together for the circle you can look at their face, notice if it has changed at all since you last saw them and remember a situation when you felt fully safe and accepted by them. Maybe there is a special moment you treasure. And when you switch directions you can take in their expression and how you feel in their presence and let the good feelings sink in and warm your heart. When the music gives the signal you step apart and bow to each other in gratitude. You can hop to the side again to see who else is waiting for you at this ball. You know the steps.
Do this as often as you feel like. On some days one or two encounters might be enough, on other days you might want to dance for a long time. When you decide to stop, your heart is fuller than full of all the love and kindness you experienced at this ball. Your face is glowing like the golden light of the ballroom and it feels like you are overflowing with the quiet joy of deep connection. And as you begin to leave the ball you might want to bow with gratitude toward the dancers, the music, the ballroom and the chance to meet loved ones today.
And then you can step through the big doors, leave the ball behind and return to the room you are sitting in, hear the sounds around you and feel where your body touches solid objects. Open your eyes if you haven’t done that already and fully arrive in the here and now.
I really hope this is as meaningful to you as it is to me.
It is possible to do this exercise with parts of a DID system meeting to dance. That way you can deepen a sense of love and connection. Be careful only to allow parts to the ball who can keep peace and interact respectfully.
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