Sometimes Ts offer transitional objects to take home with you til your next appointment, especially when they plan to go on a vacation or when things are a little shaky.
What is that all about? And how is it supposed to help?
For many survivors their T and the Ts office are like a safe place full of light and when they leave there, they feel like they are walking through a dark hallway, until the next time the brightly lit room and their T shows up before them; the next appointment.
A transitional object is supposed to accompany you during this „transition“, during your time in the hallway, so that you don’t have to walk feeling alone. It represents quasi-relational regulation.
Transition with Helper
It could remind you of:
- your safe relationship to your T
- comforting situations with your T
- helpful sentences your T said to you
- an important lesson you learned in therapy
- a stabilizing exercise you learned from your T
- your sense of connection
- good memories you shared
- a certain theme or joke you share
- ….
Ts often use little stuffies as transitional objects and keep a small collection in their office. But it doesn’t have to be a stuffy. What is more important is that is represents your connection somehow.
Other options for transitional „objects“ could be:
touching hands
- a recorded voice message from your T, maybe your favorite guided imagery or a mindfulness exercise
- a piece of paper where your T drew a line around their hand. When you feel like you need help you can place your hand on that picture and imagine the connection
- a certain word or phrase that your T repeats regularly, maybe just written down or represented by a picture
- a card or letter from your T that you could keep in your purse and read when needed
- any kind of item they usually keep in their office and that you have seen there often
- ….
Especially within a DID system the use of transitional objects should be discussed. Some parts might feel uncomfortable feeling close to the T or having something that belongs to the T. Others might be desperate for anything they can get to help them through the hallway to the next appointment. Some parts might feel the need to destroy transitional objects because they are afraid or angry about what they mean. You need to negotiate the safety of the object to avoid destruction and heartbreak.
Some patients feel the need to give a transitional object to their T to make sure that they will remember the connection. This is a grey area and Ts should explore the need behind this and look for other options to meet that need. It should be clear that the T is not working 24/7 and deserves a time of not thinking of patients. If a T agrees to take an item from the patient it is our belief that it should stay in the office as a representation of a professional relationship and not be taken home or on vacation.
Tangible items are prone to get damaged or lost. It is important to keep in mind that the object is not the relationship, it is a reminder of the relationship. If anything happens to the object, especially Littles might need support to understand the difference.
Transitional objects might not just be helpful to support you during the week or a vacation, but also when you have to let go of a T and find a new one. The hallway then represents the time that it takes for you to find a new T, a new brightly lit room. A transitional object can remind you of all the things you have learned and mastered and help keep you stable until there is new support available. In this case the object is a gift and it will change in importance and meaning over time.
More about mourning loss
To Mrs S. who we hope is safe.
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