Blending is a temporary experience where dissociative barriers are not as strong as usual and the inner experience of one part overlaps with the awareness of another. It does not feel like an intrusion from a strange, different part. For a limited time, it becomes our own experience. Blending in itself is not problematic if it happens at the right time in our therapy process. It is meant for later stages where we work on an integrated life and possibly even fusion. During the stabilization phase it just gets in the way. We are not prepared for the intensity and quality of the emotion other parts carry and our ability to help them is seriously limited if we get stuck in the same experience with them. Whenever I mention blending in this article I mean premature blending of boundaries between parts where there is no integration of experience.
Unhelpful blending is most common in cPTSD and having an emotional flashback can be interpreted as blending with a trauma fragment. That is why our tool for emotional flashbacks is mainly focused on parts. The lines between cPTSD with more pronounced parts and OSDD can be blurry. People with DID and very strong dissociative barriers might find no use in an Unblending Tool because it never happens to them. They can barely get in contact with other parts, let alone feel them through the barriers. Learning how to separate oneself from parts who start to overwhelm us can still become valuable later in therapy. I just want you to know that it is normal to get frustrated with cPTSD literature that talks about this when it is not within your realm of experience at all. It is meant for weaker barriers where premature blending can happen accidentally.
Janina Fisher explains her version of Unblending at great length in her book ‘Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors‘. It is a book I often recommend for cPTSD and that did not feel satisfying for my DID. I will tell you what I do when I feel like there is unwanted blending happening. We don’t use Fisher’s definition of blending and return to the already established term in DID treatment.
Notice what is going on
Sometimes it is easy to notice that the inner experience of another part is mixed up with our own because we have pseudo-psychotic symptoms. Their reality is overlapping with ours to the point where we have sensory hallucinations that are clearly related to trauma. Picking up things through our senses that are not really happening is a pretty obvious sign that we might be blending with someone if we have no history of psychosis.
The key characteristic of premature blending is that it causes confusion. There are two sets of experiences happening within our awareness. One that we identify as our own and one that feels like more than the usual intrusion. It is inside our own realm of experience but it makes no sense in our current reality. It doesn’t fit our interpretation of the situation and it is highly uncharacteristic for us. It is also in conflict with our set of experiences and can easily make us feel crazy. Overlapping emotions are the most common experience. We might also notice it as loops of trauma-related convictions and belief, impulses and behavior or in our awareness of time. Grounding does not bring relief, regulation does not stick.
Identify the part
I tend to look inside to see who is there. For me it usually shows up as a part who is clinging to me for dear life. Maybe you are familiar with the pattern of their inner experience and you know who you are blending with. It is always possible to just ask your mind to show you in some way. And it is ok to simply create an image you can work with, it doesn’t have to appear out of thin air.
Acknowledge the part and shift to helper
It helps when the other part realizes that you noticed them and that you are paying attention. They need attention. I usually explain that I can see them and feel them and that it is my goal to help them feel better. To do that, I need a bit of space to move. It is hard to look them in the face when they are so close their face is hidden in my own substance. It can be terribly tricky to get them to move away a little bit because they can feel like they will be utterly lost when they let go. That is why we introduce an inner helper. We imagine someone or something else they can cling to. I do best with parental figures or fluffy pets. The part does not have to stop clinging to something if clinging is what helps them to feel safe. We just transition them to cling to someone else for a moment.
Collect yourself and return attention
This should create a moment for us to breathe, use our orientation and grounding skills and resources and to recover a little bit. When we feel like we are ok, we can return to the part. I like to use the imagery of an emergency blanket, something insulating, to wrap the part in. It creates an additional barrier and a boundary between us. That way it becomes safe to pick the part up without starting to blend our experiences again. Now I can speak soothing words, lift them so they can see me properly and gently explore what they need and how to help them.
Safe place
We help as much as we can and then we try to settle them in a safe place. Sometimes that is their own room, a place where they can be with their helper or where they can be around other parts. In my experience, sensing my presence is often the most soothing option. I often create a cozy sleeping spot for them that is close to me but far enough away that it is not intruding on me as I continue with the tasks of life.
Blending or being co-present with older parts can lead to identity confusion and just confusion in general but it is usually not as disruptive and intense as blending with trauma parts. When I blend with adult parts I can just mention that we maybe should step apart from each other a bit to not get into each other’s way.
There are similar exercises in a bunch of therapy techniques. This is what works best for us. The main idea is to create some distance without scaring the part, to collect yourself and then to return to them to help. You can adapt that concept to your own needs and the way your system works best. Using additional helpers and an isolation layer is not a common part of established techniques for unblending but one that I find very useful.
We will write a little series about the work with dissociative barriers over the course of the therapy process. Unblending is one of the earliest tools we might need. We will also look into Sharing across dissociative barriers and how to use blending intentionally for advanced therapy.